Porn

Anyone with an online computer would have stumbled across some form of porn. I say stumbled, most people actively look for it because it is an obvious turn-on.
Back in the day, porn had to be bought from newsagents or sex shops. Seedy shops that sold videos in Soho were no-go areas due to the crime rate around them. Most of us had to go to the top shelf of the newsagents for magazines and embarrassingly pay the shop owner without making eye contact. It was a very stressful experience.

In the last 5 or 6 years the broadband revolution has exploded and pictures and videos of people having sexual relations has been readily available on the internet.
I have seen things in the last 5 years that I never saw outside my own bedroom and plenty that I had not seen there either. The internet has also opened the world up to all sorts of other images too. Death, suicide, beastiality, murder. It really is frightening what our youth can get access to. Censorship seems a good idea when I think what my son may be able to watch from his PC.

Sex and porn are the least of my worries but it does make me think what effect some of the pornographic images would have had on me as a teenager. Would it have damaged me to see these things? Would I have become desensetized to nakedness? I remember being excited by the sight of a braless T-Shirt or female tennis players panties flashing when they served.
It was an innocent excitement. Nowadays the excitement will be driven by images af erections, penetration and orgasms.
*sigh* How things change. What will be acceptable or available when our grandchildren are growing up?

My poll result this week was:

Internet Porn is..
..handy ------------47%
..disgusting--------- 0%
..dangerous ---------0%
..fun to watch ------21%
..degrading---------- 5%
..they have porn
on the internet??--- 26%

We are off to see Keith Urban tonight in London. I will post a review Monday. He is a very sexy guy so I am anticipating a good time when I get home. *tee hee*

Random Shite :
Muscle Museum - Muse

HNT # 13

This weeks Half Nekkid Thursday is dedicated to the Dallas Cowboys.
A whole can of whoop-ass was opened on Philly at the weekend.

The Eagles no.1 offense were held to just 129 yards while the Cowboys notched 456 yards without having to punt in the first three quarters.

Bring on the New York 'Football' Giants this week.

Happy HNT y'all

I'd like to take an opportunity to thank the mighty Osbasso, King of HNT.
If it wasn't for Os then Thursdays would be just a day too far from the weekend to be exciting.
His fertilization of Half Nekkid Thursdays has sprouted to a phenomena that many enjoy taking part in as well as viewing.
Thank you Osbasso you nekkid, musical genius.

Random Shite :

Open Fire - Y&T

Mmm! Crisps

After looking at Rob's post about potato chips or crisps as they are really called in the English language .I realised that we are blessed with a variety of crisp flavours compared with the U.S.








We take for granted the choice we have. There are some 'tricked up' flavours like Slow Roasted Lamb and Mint most of them are delish.


I'm sure the makers just play around with flavouring and then decide what the taste will be named.

Here are a few British favourites :

Salt And Vinegar
Beef and Onion
Prawn Cocktail
Cheese and Onion
Heinz Ketchup
Sausage and Ketchup
Worcester Sauce
Pickled Onion
Sea Salt and Balsamic Vinegar
Scampi and Lemon
Bacon
Ham and Mustard
Chicken
Sweet Chilli
Curry

They even made Monster Munch ( a maise snack in the shape of a monsters claw) in Vanilla flavour. Now that was wierd because you expect spicy from your Monster Munch but got sweet. It was like eating sweet, vanilla popcorn

If you get to come to the UK then check out our lovely crisps. If you ask for chips you'll get fries.

.

If you are the person from Canada who searched MSN for "how to diddle very young" and found my site and you return then here is a special message for you ......Sod off perv. If you cannot prove the search is innocent then you are not welcome here.

Also , the person who searched for "how big is robbie williams penis", I hope you found out. Just remember he sings about being a 'Better Man'.

Random Shite :

Tyketto - Walk on Fire

Lessons in the Male Ego # 1

Ladies, to boost your mans ego you will be aware that he will be sensitive about the size of his manhood.
There are times when you are genuinely impressed and times when you are just... satisfied.
The times you are disappointed are best kept to yourself.



It is always good for the male ego when your woman looks up at you and says
"Wow, your *insert penis name* is very big..."





Your man will naturally question .."very big". He has most probably seen Jake the Snake(made up porn star) servicing inflated boobed Barbie dolls with his large appendage somewhere on the inter-web.
".. do you really think it's big?" will be his response.

Under no circumstances..... that's NO circumstances reply the following
"Oh yeah baby.. It's really big.. I should know.... I've had loads."

Random Shite :
JJ72 - October Swimmer

In the name of the Father

By Guardian Unlimited
George Bush has claimed he was on a mission from God when he launched the invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq, according to a senior Palestinian politician in an interview to be broadcast by the BBC later this month, writes Ewen MacAskill.

Mr Bush revealed the extent of his religious fervour when he met a Palestinian delegation during the Israeli-Palestinian summit at the Egpytian resort of Sharm el-Sheikh, four months after the US-led invasion of Iraq in 2003.

One of the delegates, Nabil Shaath, who was Palestinian foreign minister at the time, said: "President Bush said to all of us: 'I am driven with a mission from God'. God would tell me, 'George go and fight these terrorists in Afghanistan'. And I did. And then God would tell me 'George, go and end the tyranny in Iraq'. And I did."

Mr Bush went on: "And now, again, I feel God's words coming to me, 'Go get the Palestinians their state and get the Israelis their security, and get peace in the Middle East'. And, by God, I'm gonna do it."

Does anyone else find this as disturbing as I do?

33-10 .. Job done.
Sorry Blonde

Happy Independance Day(*edit *Thangsgiving) Canada. As I said to Peter, In England a Canadian is American unless he/she is French. Simplistic ignorance? but hey, you probably call Welsh people English all the time.

Random Shite:
Aerosmith - My Fist Your Face

It's ironic that it's not ironic.. I think?

* This post is all my own work, except for the picture. I have since seen the same views expressed elsewhere. I have not used their thoughts. I wrote this before I read them *

It always bothered me that Alanis Morrisette's song, Ironic, has lyrics that fail to define irony.
Ok,ok.. so it's pedantic and petty to worry too much about this sort of thing but, hell... what's a blog for if you can't reveal your pettiness now and again?

My Poll was running all week asking -
Isn't it Ironic, don't you think?
You answered in your tens

Yes - 33%
No - 17%
Wha? - 50%

Ironic humour. She isn't really dead.

"Irony is a state of affairs or an event that seems deliberately contrary to what one expects and is often amusing as a result."
The New Oxford English Dictionary

An old man turned ninety-eight,
He won the lottery and died the next day.
Sad, but not ironic... He was 98 for goodness sake and a lottery win could easily send him over the edge.

It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
Flys drop into drink all the time..not ironic

It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
That's just plain bad luck.

And isn't it Ironic...dontcha think?
Err...no


It's like rain on your wedding day
May be ironic if you were a meteorologist and booked the date of the wedding especially because you didn't think it would rain.

It's a free ride when you've already paid
Now that is just annoying..

It's the good advice that you just didn't take
.. and that is bad judgement.

Who would've thought... it figures
Wha?


Mr. Play-It-Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
"Well isn't this nice.."
And isn't it ironic...dontcha think?
Well seeing as you ask again, I personally say... no.
Apart from the obvious criticism of the lyrics over the "..isn't this nice" line. I mean, I think I would have a word that begins with 'Sh' and ends with 'hit' running through my mind at that point.
But, hey.. apart from that, he expected it to happen because he was afraid to fly.. therefore, not ironic.


A traffic jam when you're already late
Once again bad luck but not irony

A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
Ooo, this might be ironic but there are no-smoking signs everywhere now-a-days. Smokers expect to be stopped from smoking and so maybe not ironic. Close... but no cigar *cringe*

It's like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife
DO... ME... A... FAVOUR... She's wasting my time now.

It's meeting the man of your dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
A man of your dreams is bound to be attractive to other women so therefore probably not single.. This is not irony, it is once again, unlucky.

It's just one of those little things that annoys me for no real reason other than it annoys me. A bit like the fact matches in The Davis Cup tennis tournaments are called 'Rubbers'.
That annoys the HELL out of me but I can see it is wasted energy.

I need to chill...
Get me my woman....have her washed and sent to my tent.

Random Shite:
Hey Mama - Kanye West

HNT # 12

Half Nekkid Thursday # 12
These, my friends, are not my purdy feet but they belong to my Sooz.

All you shoe fetish peeps will notice how pretty and flowery the flip flops are.



If Sooz were to choose between shoes and me
Sooz would choose shoes,
'cause they're prettier, see.

If I had to choose between shoes and Sooz,
as to which one is prettier
then shoes would lose.






What do you call a French man wearing sandals?........
Philleep Ferlopp.

This Video is so great. It was made by Karmagrrrl and is Green Day's, Wake Me Up When September Ends with footage of Hurricane Katrina. It is very moving. The amazing Barbara Bush quote at the end just seems even more ridiculous once you've viewed this.
You may need Quicktime to view it.
*A fast connection is needed and you may have to restart the video several times by clicking on it. Be patient. It is worth it.*

Random Shite :
Brown Girl in the Ring - Boney M

I dreamt I was a reporter.

Mr President...
......Mr President!
Can I ask your thoughts on the fact that the rest of the world thinks your policy on global warming is helping contribute to natural disasters?...... Oh, I see...
OK. Thankyou Mr President.

Random Shite:
I'd Die for You - BonJovi

The closest I've come to death...so far

* Warning - This post went on longer than I planned *

It was coming up to Easter 1998. I had turned 30 a while back and I was going through a crisis of confidence regarding my health. My dad had died when I was young from heart failure and I felt I was now 'old' because I wasn't in my twenties anymore. Also my son was the same age as I was when my dad died so I was feeling fragile.

I went for a check-up at the doctors just to make sure I was OK. I am a man who doesn't go to doctors. I'll tough it out, if I can, so the fact I was there with nothing wrong with me was a sign of my worry.

He took a blood sample, something I had never had happen to me before....ever! He listenend to my heart and did all the other stuff needed to check me out. He told me he would send the blood away and contact me at a later date but he was sure I was healthy. Yay.

I left the Health Centre and went to get Fish n Chips. The shop owner said 'How are you today?' and I replied 'I'm fine... and it's official.... I AM fine'.

I drove from there to McDonalds to get my son a Happy Meal and whilst in the drive-thru I came over very dizzy and felt extremely weak. My leg started shaking and I started to panic at my sudden and rapid decline. I just had to get home and stop driving. By the time I got there I was shaking uncontrollably and sweating. What the hell was wrong with me?

The next morning I went to work even though I was in utter meltdown. I rang the Health Centre with the ludicrous question ' Would taking a blood test make me feel like this?' I honestly thought a syringe of blood may have triggered my weakness. By 10.30 the receptionists at work, had told my boss that I looked like death and I should go home. My boss rang me and insisted I went to the doctors, so off I went for the second time in 24 hours. This time I was shaking, sweating and so weak.

I couldn't see my own doctor at short notice so another one agreed to see me. He took a urine sample and told me to go home and rest. 'You have flu' He told me. I stayed in bed all day and all night.

When I woke in the morning my right leg had turned purple. When I pointed it downward (never mind put any weight on it) I was in agony. WTF!! I stayed in bed and my (then) wife brought me cups of tea and biscuits. The hairdresser came around to do her hair. He was a family friend and when he saw me he insisted I went to the doctors again. 'It's clearly not flu' he pointed out. 'Get to the emergency doctors straight away'.

It had to be emergency doctors because it was now Good Friday and the Health Centre was shut. With a huff and a puff, my (then) wife took me to the on-call doctors. As soon as they saw my leg then they were in no doubt I had to get over to the hospital, immediately.

At the hospital they kept me waiting for about an hour and then transferred me to a cubicle. My wife was phobic of hospitals so I let her go home. It was 3 hours later ( I still felt like crap) when a consultant entered the cubicle.
He looked at my leg....
looked at my foot....
saw a sceptic toenail I had going on....
Pointed at it and said
'There's the problem, you have sceptisemia(blood poisoning).
That could kill you'...
and with that, he was gone.

I was left for another hour, alone, and panicking at the wonderful 'bed-side-manner' of the pompous git who told me my little toe might kill me.

In the space of two days I had gone form 'paranoid 30 year old' - to - deaths door - via - 'you have flu'.
I was eventually put into the ward for people waiting for operations. There were no beds free in the rest of the hospital.
Because it was Easter the operations were 'on hold' and so there were spare beds in the operations ward. Also, because it was Easter, there was very few staff on duty. I had a drip of anti-biotics pumped into me and more blood taken than Dracula would need.
To think, I hadn't had any blood taken before!

My fever and the morphine was making me crazy. I was convinced the nurses were making noises on purpose to keep me awake. The consultants would not see me and give me any news of my progress until after Easter Sunday so I was also convinced they were going to let me die. I couldn't move because of my inflated, purple leg. I was in such a state.

It took three or four weeks to get fully better. Needless to say, I was back at work within a week. Now that is dedication for you. The only other time I have had off work in 20 years was when my jaw was broken. That's a story for another day.

That my friends is the story of how I came close to death.
The End

Random Shite:
The Best of Times - Styx

Picture lists

I saw this idea the other day and have forgotton who to give credit to. If it is you please comment.
*** Update - It was Kalani here that I saw it ****
You Google search images for
1. Place you grew up
2. Place you live now
3. Your name
4. Favourite drink
5. Favourite smell

Then you choose the first or your favourite image and post it.

Place I grew up











Place I live now











My name










Favourite drink










Favourite smell

Today's Random Shite:
Hello - Lionel Richie

Bunch of wan... err, nice people

The question in this weeks poll was about masturbation.


Masturbation is ...

great fun ~62%
useful ~29%
the devils work ~5%
not something I do ~0%
better than sex ~0%
damaging ~0%
mastur-what-now? ~5%

My view
There is no doubt, masturbation is great fun. It is even more fun when it is shared between lovers.

My first time
I remember the first time I discovered masturbation. I was very naive as a child and had overheard someone at school talking about something to do with the penis. Something about moving it up and down and how good it felt. I also saw some boys making the action on cricket bat handles in a joking way. One night I decided I was going to try this movement out on my erection... and I wasn't going to stop until something happenend..because something was suppose to happen, right?
I lay in bed.
I was suppose to be asleep.
I got the movement going...felt good.
Hmm. That feels nice.
OOo, thats a funny sensation....
OK, so that's a different feeling too...
OOo,
oh..
oh my...
Oh jeez, what the hell is that and where did it come from?
Arghh..
Oh no.
What a mess.. quick clean it up.
What IS that?
... I need to do that again..
And the rest is history.

I cringe with embarrassment now. My bin would be filled with disgarded tissue paper. I thought my mum didn't know about this sort of thing.. She didn't tell me about it, so she can't know it exists, right?
Like I said.. naive.
Of course she knew what teenage boys get up to... and boy, was I up to it. When you are that age you think you can get away with everything because adults know nothing. I knew everything and had discovered the eight wonder of the world. I'm sorry mum.

Our teacher said that if we play with ourselves too much then we would lose our eyesight.
I went to the optician because I was worried.
The optician said 'You have to stop masturbating so much, Mr Dipper'
'So it's true?' I said 'Like Mr Smith said.. it'll make you go blind'
She looked at me and said 'No Mr Dipper..it's not that'
'You are upsetting the other patients!'

Today's Random Shite
Hate This Place - Goo Goo Dolls

HNT # 11

Half Nekkid Thursday # 11

I hate my feet but I would miss them if they left me.

The shower is obviously not pinky purple really but I know someone who wishes it was.

Happy HNT everyone.

Today's Random Shite
Evil Woman - E.L.O.

Bacon shrink

I drew this here and got judged!

I am a realist
I am direct and play devils advocate. Not afraid of discussions.
I am emotional and naive
I am a good listener
The lack of tail means sex is 'not so good buddy'

The internet has found it's true calling.
Pig Art Pyschology Tests... Genius!

More worrying to me is the whole 'pig head on human body' thing I have going on. The fact that my piggy looks like a male stipper is a concern too.
I'm sure shrinks could have a field day with that.

My 'Stripper Pig' is available for birthdays, weddings and ba..... well.. obviously not barmitzvah's

BTW let me tell you that bad-boy has a tail to be proud of.. just out of view.

Today's Random Shite
Don't Pass Me By - Georgia Satellites

You looking for me?

There are ways to find out how people have stumbled across your blog.



I am amazed at what people search for.




There is someone out there who 'MSN searched' - HOW DO A MAN SHOW A WOMAN TAHT HE LOVES HER and ended up at my Big Dipper site.
Are you like me? Did it make you go 'aww' that someone is that illiterate and desperate to impress his woman.

The weirdest search that led to this blog is awarded to - penis photos of people with orange hair
What makes people type that in as a search? I ask you..

Apparently sex with vegatables got someone here too.

May I also ask what diddle me middle might mean.. and why did it lead to this blog?

Today's Random Shite
I'm So Happy (Tra-La-La-La-La-La) - Lewis Lymon & The Teenchords

Playlist fun

Baobhan Sith found a great game.
Set your music player to random and list the first five songs played (however embarrassing).

I have 6,748 songs. The random light found this shite :

ALL MUSIC
1. Not Coming Home - Maroon 5 ~ Songs About Jane
2. The Beautiful Occupation - Travis ~ The Singles
3. Travellers Tune - Ocean Colour Scene ~ Marchin' Already
4. Torn to Shreds - Def Leppard ~ X
5. Loving You - Elvis Presley ~ The 50 Greatest Love Songs Disc 2

I then played some more and here are the 'Genres' random shite.

ROCK
1. All I Wanna do is Make Love to You - Heart ~ Brigade
2. Fine Again - Seether ~ Disclaimer II
3. Lady in Red - Chris de Burgh ~ The Love Songs Album *vomit*
4. 18 Till I Die - Bryan Adams ~ 18 Till I Die
5. Grateful When You're Dead ~ Kula Shaker ~ K

COUNTRY
1. When Daddy Let Me Drive - Alan Jackson ~ Drive
2. Gonna Get There Some Day - Dierks Bentley ~ Modern Day Drifter
3. These are the Moments - Edwin McCain ~ unknown
4. Unusually Unusual - Lonestar ~ I'm Already There
5. All Night Long - Montgomery Gentry ~ Tattoos & Scars

SOUNDTRACKS
1. Try a Little Tenderness - Andrew Strong ~ The Commitments
2. I'm Not In Love - 10cc ~ Bridget Jones (Edge of Reason)
3. Battleflag - Pigeonhed ~ Coyote Ugly
4. Have you met Miss Jones - Robbie Williams ~ Bridget Jones Diary
5. Children of the Revolution - Bono.. ~ Moulin Rouge

POP
1. Last Goodbye - Atomic Kitten ~ Greatest Hits
2. Summertime Feeling - S Club 7 ~ Sunshine
3. Paradise - Vanessa Carlton ~ Be Not Nobody
4. Life is a Rollercoaster - Ronan Keating ~ Ronan
5. Frogs and Princes - Natasha Bedingfield ~ Unwritten

Looking good..

Barclays Premiership

1. Chelsea
2. Charlton
3. Bolton
4. West Ham Utd
5. Manchester Utd
6. Manchester City
7. Arsenal

Enuff said!

Evil?

gnome-land security?
The 'Geoge Bush is..' poll I did this week had 15 participants. (I hope more of you vote on this weeks poll)
It turns out that most of the readers of this blog feel that George W. is evil.

Evil is a very strong term. I would say that strapping explosives to prisoners and pressing the detonator, as Saddam Hussein did, was evil. Gasing thousands of Kurd families is evil.



I don't have too much time for Mr Bush and his politics but I would say that 'incompetant' summed him up more than evil, 40 % of you agree.
In reflection I should have added 'not my president' to the list. That may have got the most votes.

One person voted for 'a very nice man'. I must say, he looks like a nice guy when you see him at rest and fooling around. He lets himself down when he speaks sometimes.

No-one voted for 'misunderstood'. I think maybe he is a little misrepresented by his advisers.

All of this is perception. I don't know the guy and nor do you either, I suspect. It is an impression of his image that lead 53% to think he is evil.

George Bush is...
1. ..misunderstood 0%
2. ..evil 53%
3. ..simple 0%
4. ..a great President 0%
5. ..Texan 0%
6. ..a war-monger 0%
7. ..incompetant 40%
8. ..a very nice man 7%

There was one additional vote for '..dumb as a box of rocks'.

Hey all you Texans in the path of 'Rita'. Hang tight and know that there are people around the world following your plight with great sympathy. Good luck and my love to 'mom'. We hope you stay safe and that Rita has calmed down when she gets to Granbury.




God Bless Texas

HNT # 10

Half Nekkid Thursday # 10

You want some?...
You want a piece of me?..

Ok, ok so it's not the biggest but it could nail you up against the wall.. if you like that sort of thing *winks*

If your curious why there are Nekkid pictures on my blog then head here to see others. Go on.. join in the fun.

Good spirit will win through.

*Warning* Rant ahead.




Background : In Britain our car license plates used to start with a letter followed by two or three numbers and then three letters. (i.e. R 345 ABC or T 24 OSR). The first letter represented the year the car was sold. (e.g R = 1995, S = 1996, T=1997 etc.) The rest of the plate was random.


Rant : About three or four years ago the council introduced new parking ticket machines in our 'pay and display' car parks. The council spent hundreds of thousands of pounds on the new pay machines. They had a new system on them, where you had to put the numbers (just the numbers) of your license plate into the keypad before you paid for your ticket. The numbers of your plate are printed on the 'display ticket' so the parking warden can check they match your license plate.
The reason for this is to stop 'the public', when leaving the car park, giving the remaining minutes on their ticket to another person who had just entered. This practice used to spread goodwill amongst people when someone approached them and said '..there you go, I still have an hour left on this ticket if you could use it'. It was a kind gesture and, after all, the parking space had been paid for already. The new system was just a cynical ploy to bleed more money out of us all.

More Background : The license plate was changed a few years back and now all new cars have two letters then two numbers followed by three letters. (i.e. GN 02 ABC or HB 52 DEF) The first two letters are a code which are supposed to identify where the car was bought(silly idea) and the numbers work like this. The first number is either a 0 or a 5. (0 means first half of a year and 5 means second half of the year) The second number is 2 for 2002, 3 for 2003 etc. So 52 was bought second half of 2002, whilst 04 would be first half of 2004. *yawn*

Karma : With the amount of new license plates growing in size because the new cars are replacing the older ones then most plates contain either 02, 52, 03, 53, 04, 54 etc. This means the kind, good natured people will be able to share tickets easier with fellow 52'ers or 04'ers and the tight-arse f**kwits who thought up a scheme which cost us all that council tax money should be sacked.

Rant over..... I hhhhhthannngu

Stud

Two blondes were talking about their current boyfriends.
'My man told me he once slept with 2 Brazilian women in one night' said one
'Oh my God, He is such a stud' replied her friend.
'I know' said the first blonde. 'Two Brazilian... that's, like, way more than a million....right ?'

Tagged

Lelly-licious tagged me and wants some answers to some questions.

Spolight on.... electro-nipple-clamps attached.... Here goes :

10 years ago: I had a three year old son and long hair. I had been to St Andrews to watch The Open for the first time. Apart from that I really couldn’t say what was happening. It’s all a bit of a blur. Move on to the next question. I have plenty to say there..

5 years ago: I was getting ready to have a vaesectomy. *scream* The second most mentally scarring experiance I had ever been through. Little did I know that after this, my life would go spinning out of control and several very bad things would happen (I will not share, just yet) which ended with me leaving my wife and setting up home with my lovely Suzy.
Ok.. The snip. Well... it didn't hurt. That's some sort of consolation but wow the sheer terror of what they do is enough to make any man cross his legs. I arrived at the hospital on my own. I went to book in and was told to strip off, put on the gown and wait by the bed. Sweaty palms and second thoughts were order of the day. I had decided to do it because my wife was adamant she would never want another baby. We had two beautiful kids and ‘no way’ was she going to have a third. She was going to get sterilised. I told her that because she had been through childbirth *twice* then I would get ‘done’. I didn’t want to see her get sterilized and be in pain again.
I was called into the theatre. An operating theatre but it may as well have been a West End theatre with the nerves flying around my head when I walked in *alone again* The two doctors, two nurses and some other staff were standing around chatting. I was told to lay down. They lifted the gown and there I was with Big D and ‘the boys’ revealed before their audience. I had only ever ‘been with’ my wife and she was the only woman to have ‘seen’ me. (The ‘Big Guy’ was not looking his, err.. lets say.. tallest, considering what my brain was telling him). Now there were at least 5 people gawking and worst still, they had knives!!
Before the knives came the needle! (I know most men have stopped reading) The doctor didn’t restrain from the ‘just a little prick’ joke and more disturbing than that he said it would feel like he was tugging me. As it turns out, he was sort of right because after flopping ‘the old boy’ to one side and cutting into the… (oo I can’t say it but you know what he cut into). After he was 'in' he cut the tube and I felt a ‘tugging’ feeling inside while he tied the end of the tube up. (Just a small note to tell you I am cringeing while typing this *shivers*). While he was doing this, a female nurse was making small talk with me. I just wished she would leave me to my own thoughts of happy things.(Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens. Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens…).
Anyway turns out he wasn’t a boy scout and couldn’t tie tubes properly because in three months time I had got my wife pregnant again. A test (wanking into a cup) was done to check I still had microscopic dippers swimming. They were and the baby was mine. Then the ‘very bad’ thing happenend which I will not share with y’all yet and needless to say I still only have two children but I’ve still got ‘little dippers’ swimming in ‘the boys’. In another year I had left my wife and was living with my lovely Suzy.

1 Year ago: I had just got back from Texas after Suzy and me went to visit her mum, who lives in Dallas. We had spent a wonderful time visiting San Antonio. The Riverwalk is beautiful and we decided to travel back North again via Bracketville. It turns out the maps are small scale and Bracketville was about 200 miles away. Phew!. We headed that way to visit the film set that John Wayne built for The Alamo film he made. It is great. It is just an old wildwest town and Alamo replica in the middle of nowhere. Baking hot and rattlesnake country(we didn’t see any), there were four or five ‘actors’ who put on a show everyday out there. We were the only family there but I’m sure they put the show on even if no-one is there.
We continued our way back 400 miles along roads that went for 30 miles at a time without a turn. Dead straight, in the middle of nowhere. We saw only two cars coming the other way in a space of 3 hours. There were a few small towns along the way but we only stopped at the bigger ones.
We went back to Texas at Christmas and Suzy has been twice this year already. I think it’s great and it’s a lot greener than I thought it would be. Well, East Texas is.

Yesterday : I saw Farenheit 911 and watched it with a sceptical mind. I know what Michael Moore is like. He is heavily biased against the Republicans so I thought I will take it with a huge pinch of salt. Let me tell you it was a very convincing anti-war documentary. I know he 'has it in' for Bush but the ‘facts’ that he comes out with make you wonder what ‘corruption’ takes place behind closed doors. Gripping stuff.
I also saw Alexander. It was ok-ish but I couldn’t get around the fact that, because Colin Farrell is Irish and played Alexander, all the other Greeks had Irish accents too. Weird.

5 Songs I know all the words to:
ACDC - Whole lotta Rosie
Kiss – Detroit Rock City and lots of others
Bon Jovi – Bed of Roses and loads more
Shawn Colvin – Never saw Blue like That
Tim McGraw – Live like you were Dying

5 Snacks:
Twix
Custard Creams
Wine Gums
Crisps (chips)
Pistachio Nuts

5 Things I’d do with £100,000,000
-Invest loads for my children so they would have enough to be comfortable but not spoilt little-rich kids.
-Go to several places around the world and see all the things that should be seen. Pyramids, Australia, Grand Canyon, Tokyo etc.
-Get West Ham Utd season tickets if I had time to go each week.
-Make sure Suzy had everything she wants but not necessarily needs
-Make sure charities benefited. It would be hard because everyone would want some so I’d have to choose carefully. Maybe a childrens charity.

5 Places I’d run away to:
America
Australia
New Zealand
Who am I kidding. I hate change so probably wouldn’t go anywhere.

5 Things I’d never wear:
-A Manchester United football Shirt.
-Another countries football shirt.
-That’s it. I’d wear anything.. if I had to

5 Favourite TV Shows:
-Soccer AM (Sky)
-Big Brother
-Deadwood
-Lost
-Eastenders

5 Greatest Joys:
-Being a father
-Being in love
-Sport
-Life
-Great sex

5 toys:
-Internet
-PS2 (I’d love a PSP..anyone?)
-Golf clubs
-George Foreman Grilling machine
-Rampant Rabbit (not for me)

5 People to tag:
Sorry I won’t do that because if you want to do it then, go ahead, knock yourself out. You can blame me for tagging you. Let me know if you do, so I can read.

Peace

Dead-What?

My poll has been running all week and the results suprised me.

I asked did you think that there was too much swearing in Deadwood.



The result was

F**k no ~ 36%
It's authentic for the era ~ 9%
It's a bit strong ~ 9%
It's a disgrace ~ 0%
Dead What? ~ 45%

I was suprised by the amount who had not heard of Deadwood, the HBO TV series. I was also amazed that no-one objected strongly to the language used. Maybe the 45% who haven't seen it would be offended, who knows.

Deadwood is a series in it's second season and is set in the days of Wild Bill Hickock and Calamity Jane, in the town of Deadwood. A place that did (and does) exist. It was a den of lawlessness and prospecters fighting for land.

The swearing in Deadwood is very authentic for the times. The whores and chancers use 'f**k' as a punctuation mark and the C-word appears very frequently. Both these words are used in their true definition and their offensive form too.

I find the fact that *almost* every other word is a swear word makes the characters difficult to understand. They are using 'old west' ways of talking and sometimes complicated political talk which would be difficult to follow in the first place. The swearing just confuses the talk even more. You almost don't notice it because you are trying to work out what the sentance means.

Anyway check out the official website if you want to know more. I actually really like it and think that Ian 'Lovejoy' McShane is awesome as Al Swearanger the owner of the Jem, a bar and whorehouse.

Thankyou everyone for your kind words yesterday. It's great to know someone cares. The corner of the BlogWorld that visits my site is full of wonderful, kind and thoughtful people. The kind of people that are 'friends'. I regard you all as friends, I hope you don't mind.

Have a great weekend..stay hard.

HNT Cancelled

I am too depressed to take part in Half Nekkid Thursday this week.

Move along now... nothing to see..except a grown man crying.

Do you know how gut-wrenching it is to arrive at your fathers grave and find the grave-stone laying flat on the floor?
The one place you go when times are hard.
The place you go for peace.
Somewhere you think someone understands what you are going through.
The place where so much sadness inside you can pour out.

It's on the floor. Laying there. Desecrated.

It's a real kick to the soul, I can tell you.

Gas at $2.70..You lucky,lucky people.

It cracks us up in this country when we hear Americans moaning about petrol prices.
Granted, your gas prices have risen a lot recently but it doesn't match our ever rising prices.


We pay in litres. £0.95 per litre.
One gallon = 3.78 litres.
Then 3.78 x 0.95 = £3.60 a gallon
That converts to $6.56 a gallon.

$6.56

The first post of this blog in June was a rant about price comparisons and I had worked petrol out to be $5.89... That's only 3 months ago.
With talk of it rising to £1 a litre ($6.88 a gallon) there is a protest scheduled for today.

We had a protest 5 years ago and the country came to a standstill because tankers couldn't get to petrol stations. The chaos that ensued was amazing to see. We didn't realise we were that close to the edge of meltdown if petrol didn't get through.

Well now they are doing it again, people are filling up and running the stations dry. There are several petrol stations that are closed already and the rest have long, long queues outside.

Britain may be brought to it's knees again. Phone calls between friends saying '..hey the petrol station in South Street has petrol...quick get some' will be flying around. Panic everywhere.

I'd better get my bike ready.

If you'd like to hear some quaint English and Aussie accents talking about a weird sport that has phrases as uncommon to Americans as baseball is to us, then check out the 5 minute Ashes highlights from the BBC.

* Ooo.. It plays all fast like The Chipmunks. I'll leave it like that, it sounds better. To hear the real one go here

Eng-er-land, Eng-er-land

Yes, Yes , Yes, Yeeeesssss!!

England beat the Aussies to win The Ashes. The Ashes are played for between England and Australia and we haven't won them for 16 years.











Great celebration throughout the country.
It is a momentus occasion in Sporting History and the 5 Test matches have all been thrilling and exciting.





And did those feet in ancient times
Walk upon England's mountains green?
And was the Holy Lamb of God
On England's pleasant pastures seen?
And did the Countenance Divine
Shine forth upon our clouded hills?
And was Jerusalem builded here
Among these dark Satanic mills?

Bring me my bow of burning gold!
Bring me my arrows of desire!
Bring me my spear! O clouds unfold!
Bring me my chariot of fire!
I shall not cease from mental fight
Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand
Till we have built Jerusalem
In England's green and pleasant land.

I can take no more.

Superficial + shallow + rude + uncaring + ignorant + dis-respectful + self opinionated + cold + racist + selfish = UGLY

Caring + loving + sharing + kind + partnership + warm + giving + listening = BEAUTIFUL


Some people have different values.

Some people are proud of 'Ugly.

Those kind of people are not for me.

Join me in Hell?

I found this website from a Jersey Girl rant. Here's a few highlights.

In a section asking are 'Are you good enough to go to heaven'

3. 'You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain.'Have you ever taken God's name in vain -- instead of using a four-letter word to express disgust, you've used His name? Hitler's name wasn't despised enough to use as a curse word. If you have used His holy name in that manner, you are a blasphemer and will not enter the Kingdom of God.
That's me done for.... God dammit!!

8. 'You shall not steal.'Have you ever taken something that belonged to someone else (irrespective of its value)? Then you are a thief -- you cannot enter God's Kingdom.
Oh come on!! My work won't miss those pens.

7. 'You shall not commit adultery.'Who of us can say that we are pure of heart? Jesus warned, 'You have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust after her has committed adultery already with her in his heart.' Remember that God has seen every thought you have had and every sin you have ever committed. The day will come when you have to face His Law, and we are told that the impure, fornicators (those who have sex before marriage) and adulterers will not enter the Kingdom of God. Punishment for transgression of this Commandment is the death penalty.
Oh well,I'm not sure I wanted to spend eternity in the company of Christians anyway.

Have a great weekend and..... Gooooooooooooooooo Cowboys!

HNT # 9

Half Nekkid Thursday # 9

Two for the price of one.

Bunch of Arse

A coupla bums

It's me and my Sooz.

Me 'Pale Pumpkin' and Sooz 'Eygptian Cotton' (see post below)

Happy HNT peeps

Black and White

There's a lot of talk about racism in the aftermath of the Hurricane.

Why do humans categorise themselves as Black or White?


Humans come in one colour.. BROWN.

I am medium brown. In fact I am 'Deep Sienna' or 'Paler Pumpkin #233' according to Dulux color card.

I am definitely not white.

Dorky Tuesday

Osbasso, the King of HNT, has called for Dorky Tuesday to begin.
I covered this a few weeks ago with a post on my hair through the ages.

So for this weeks Dorky Tuesday I will revisit the bad hair and... I give you this.

Note the Stryper T-shirt.

Stryper are a Christian rock band (not that the Christian bit was relevant) who I went to see in 1986. They threw bibles out into the crowd and my friend Stuart caught one. We were in the top row of Hammersmith Odeon so it was a great throw..... unless God guided it to him. If He did then He wasted His time.

The car I am sitting on was my first ever car. A Ford Fiesta. It was very tin-ny but I loved it. All the cars I have owned have been blue. I didn't choose blue, it just worked out that way.

The shorts are soooooo short. That was the style then. I am very skinny too. Nearly twenty years later and I wonder where the time has gone?

Seven

Funky Bee wants some lists of sevens so here goes.

Seven things I don't believe in..
1. Ghosts
2. Gods
3. Aliens
4. Astrology
5. Capital punishment
6. Spirtulism
7. The tooth fairy

Seven things I dislike in people..
1. Jealousy
2. Racism
3. Bad manners
4. Stupidity
5. Selfishness
6. Greed
7. Fussiness

Seven things in my pocket now..
1. Coins
2. Flash memory stick
3. Keys
4. Mobile phone
5. Wallet
6. Chewing gum
7. Pistol ;) or is it?

Seven things I do too much..
1. Drink Coca Cola
2. Bite my nails
3. Blog
4. Think about sex
5. Work
6. Put things off
7. Think about 7 thing lists

Seven places I have been..
1. Niagra Falls
2. Dallas
3. San Antonio
4. New York
5. St Andrews, Scotland
6. Bath, England
7. Cardiff, Wales

Seven things on my desk I should move..
1. Ketchup bottle
2. Faxes that have been sent
3. Empty mug
4. A keyless padlock
5. Dust
6. Empty glass
7. Dallas Cowboys 2004 schedule

Thanks to Lelly for this link about the continueing Hurricane problems. It is fascinating how much destruction has taken place.
.....And dear God I hope this blogger is safe somewhere, it's so chilling to read.

WTF!!

What the HELL are they doing in New Orleans.

WHERE IS THE RESCUE EFFORT?

This is America, the Western world, Civilisation.

The pictures we are seeing look like a third world country performing a fourth world rescue attempt.

SORT IT OUT BUSH.

The UN have offerred to help.
Swallow your pride and accept it.
They know what they are doing.
The rest of the world is watching you f*ck it right up.

You cannot blame the people down there for losing their minds.
There are so many question your country needs to answer about this.

I am so angry at the crap effort the authorities are putting in.
GET THEM SOME WATER FOR A START!!

I can't believe what I am seeing from the USA.

Catastrophe

It's a disaster that brings home to us how fragile our existance is. Floods and famine happen all around the world. We see them reported but our natural instinct is to distance ourselves from them.

The devastation 'Katrina' has inflicted on the Louisianna area has brought home the sheer helplessness the poorest areas of the world suffer during crisis.

America, probably the richest nation on earth, has made a 'pigs-ear' of providing relief to the flood victims. If the US cannot get aid to a disaster area to help the suffering then how must the people of Bangladesh and other flood damaged areas cope?

Mending New Orleans will be a huge task but the immediate concern is for the stranded and starving survivors. It seems that the rescue attempt has been too slow. President Bush, who I am no fan of, has been slow to react and receives criticism. You have to ask though- how could such a massive operation, with all the complexity involved, be more efficient under any other President.


The only answer would be better planning. San Fransico and surrounding areas are just waiting for 'The Big One' to hit them. I do hope there is a plan in place that will prove more effective than this when the time comes.


For now, let us give thanks for what we have in our lives.
I am thirsty so I will get some water. I am hungry so I will go get some food.
I don't know who I thank for this but since Monday I have been all too aware how lucky I am.

HNT Bunny

I'm all out of 'Nekkid' archive piccies. I will take some new ones.
In the meantime to appease the HNT followers I present Flake...


He tried out for the Dallas Cowboys cheerleading squad but I think the fact he is male (or a rabbit) prohibited him from getting the gig....








He then tried out for Quarterback but he was no good in the 'pocket'..... He kept getting sacked so they cut him....









Rodeo was his next venture... He went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fu-man-chu :) ...













He went surfing in Hawaii on vacation and caught some big waves...







It all fell apart when he was snapped nekkid, humping a soccer ball....

He is recovering from the scandal in his hutch on a detox diet of lettuce and 'bunny munch'.

Pray for him.