LMFAO - definition

Watch the whole clip. Made me smile.

Halloween II

Halloween Party

Man Cold

It's no laughing matter.. unless you are female and then it's f-ing hilarious (apparently)

'smee

Firefest 2007

Tyketto - 27th October 2007

Nottingham Rock City.

I was there (although this is not my footage). They were fantastic and there was a great atmosphere.

St Andrews 2007

Bon Jovi, O2 Dome

Footage I shot at the O2 Dome, London. Bon Jovi opened the Arena. This is an edited version of clips I took. They are too big to upload.

Wings

"If Alcoholism is an illness..... It's the only illness that comes with Buffalo Wings"

Derby Day 2007

I went to Epsom on Saturday to watch the Derby. Frankie Dettori screamed past us on Authorised to win his first Derby in 15 attempts. I was left cursing the fact I hadn't gone 'each-way' on Eagle Mountain. I had bet on it to win and the beast came second.
Here's footage from my camera.

Earthquake in Kent

FOLKESTONE/DOVER EARTHQUAKE APPEAL

An earthquake measuring 4.7 on the Richter scale hit Folkestone & Dover in the early hours of Saturday Its epicenter was in Folkestone. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Faaackinell".

The tremor decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage.

Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa del Sol were damaged beyond repair.

Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived.

Invicta FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Folkestone.

One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes come running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two,Tyler-Morgan and Victoria Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Jeremy Kyle the next morning."

Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.

The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals.

Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.


HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.

Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:

-Fila or Burberry baseball caps

-Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)

-Shell suits (female)

-White sport socks

-Rockport boots and any other items usually sold in Primark.

-Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.


Required foodstuffs include:

Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.

-22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.

-£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9.

-£5 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.


***Breaking news***

Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop.
'Where are you bleeding from?' they asked, "Aylesham" said the girl, "wossit gotta do wiv you?"

Want some Photos?

If you want to buy any of my photo prints then go here

Easter Sunset

EASTER SUNSET

Taken by me at Whitstable beach.

Life's too Short

I watched 'Nacho Libre' with Jack Black this weekend. Oh...my....God.

I like Jack Black but that film was poor, poor, poor.




Why didn't someone tell me!
I paid £3.95 on pay-to-view for that... err that's about 7 dollars buddy.

Love this, Loooove this

Oooops

I laughed so hard that some wee came out...


... is that wrong?

Happy Christmas from our House

Xmas Tree 2007

Our Christmas Tree 2007

Happy Chistmas to Y'all

Free Hugs

A hug is all you need sometimes. Doncha think?

Stairway to Heaven?

My new hobby is taking Photos... Do you like this? The path to Heaven? 

Daybreak

This is the view from my bathroom window at sunrise. You have to have 10x zoom eyes or a camera.... but you get my point. Beautiful

I think I wet myself..

I think the funniest thing I have seen recently is this website - www.costumedogs.com .
I find it absolutely hilarious to see the pooches dressed up for...... general piss taking, I assume.

Pray for them.

Margate..full of class

This is the classy side to Margate, where I work now. Imagine the excitement when people see this arriving for their weekend of fun.

One word..... SHITHOLE

Sooo funny

I love how this mum reacts to it's baby.

Richard Dawkins on BBC News

I am reading this mans book and he echoes everything I have thought for a while.

Male Restroom Etiquette

Now you know!

Dallas Cowboys Christmas '86, Part 2

Good Ol' Days.... Bad Ol' Taste

I'm Still Alive

Rumours of my demise are exaggerated...
Oh, no rumours...

OK Go - Here It Goes Again




How Cool is this?

Man Love

Man-Love is Bellisimo

One year on...

A year ago today, after enjoying the news that London had been given the 2012 Olympics, suicide bombers struck at the heart of the Capital's transport system. Londoners showed their steely resolve and have not let the word 'terror' affect them at all.
That is the way it should be.
.
Don't let terrorists win by letting them terrorise you.
52 Victims had their lives snuffed out.
I hope they are resting in peace. We will remember them today at 12 noon with a two minute silence.

40 Years of hurt, never stopped us dreaming

July 4th

Happy Independence America... The 'Motherland' wishes you well.

Utter Dejection

Once again England crash out of a major tournament on a Penalty Shoot-out. I feared this would happen at the beginning of the World Cup and voila, here we sit, dejected and eliminated.
A big hoo-harr about Ronaldo winding up Rooney is irrelevant. If England can keep 11 men on the pitch then we would stand a chance of winning before the dreaded penalties. Rooney is an angry young scouser who needs to reign himself in a bit and grow up. If he wasn't a gifted footballer then he'd no doubt be stealingcars in Merseyside and counting up the ASBO's he gets.
Oh well... end of an era.
At least me and my friend now know it is not our 'fault'. We believed there was a jinx when we watched games together. We have experianced the misery together too many times and so thought it was our fault. This time we watched the games seperately... same old England misery... not our fault.

Baseball for Gents

Marvellous day for cricket....

I'll get there..one day

Oh Say can you see...

America, you may not think too much of 'soccer' but one thing that should impress is the way the Anthems are sung before the World Cup games.

We have the tradition of letting the fans get on with singing their own anthems rather than a tricked up 'celebrity' butchering the nations song.

I hope at the next Superbowl or big sporting occasion you can follow the lead and put a stop to the insane warbling from the overpayed muppet sent out to ruin your anthem.

Now, wasn't that true passion?.......not to mention short.

I rest my case... I mean, for Gods sake.. really

Chalk and Cheese

Compare and Contrast :)

Rest in Pieces

I'd hate to see what 'Virgins' are waiting in hell for you, limp-dick

Hate Football?..leave the Country

It's here! The whole world has been whittled down to 32 Nations competing for the biggest prize in football.

I am soooooooooo excited.

BELIEVE.... Come ON ENGLAND!!!

HNT 16 revisited

Half Nekkid Thursday # 16(4)

A revisited HNT to mark a comeback. I published this one before but there are so many new HNT'ers out, I thought I'd share.

Stay Hard

You sir.... are an ass!

Another Article from the legend Gordon Keith


By GORDON KEITH


Lloyd Bentsen, influential Texas politician, died the other day at the age of 85.

He was probably best known to our generation as the man who put down Dan Quayle in a 1988 vice presidential debate. Quayle, fending off criticisms of his age (he was 41), mentioned in the debate that he was as old as President John F. Kennedy when Kennedy took office. A haughty Bentsen shot back, "Senator, I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine, and you, sir, are no Jack Kennedy." Bada bing! Them smarts.

Yesterday, after mourning really hard, I became curious. What are some of the other debate zingers in America's glorious past? So I slogged through YouTube.com and pulled some of the more memorable comebacks, one-liners and hearty rejoinders from our ugly political history.

George Washington vs. John Adams (1789)
Washington: I ask for your vote, not so I can win, so I can serve.
Adams: Yeah, why don't you serve some of this. (Vulgar hand motion.)

Abraham Lincoln vs. Stephen Douglas (1860)
Lincoln: And if Stephen Douglas is elected, I fear where this country is headed.
Douglas: If you get elected I fear your looks. What are you, like 6-foot-12? Grow a mustache, stop creeping everybody out and shut the hell up.

Franklin Roosevelt vs. Thomas Dewey (1944)
FDR: And if I am elected to a fourth term, I will carry America out of this world war and into prosperity!
Dewey: Let's work on being able to walk first before we carry anybody, OK?

John F. Kennedy vs. Richard Nixon (1960)
Kennedy: On college campuses across our great land, there is one name of hope on the lips of our future, and that is John F. Kennedy.
Nixon: Well, they may say John F. Kennedy, but I say F. John Kennedy. Boo-yah! (Nixon dances in place as crowd hisses.)

Bob Dole vs. Bill Clinton (1996)
Dole: I feel that tax-and-spend economics will not work on any level, and the American people deserve a president who understands conservative economics.
Clinton: Just say it. I could nail your wife. Say it. (The men chest-bump and stare each other down as Jim Lehrer attempts to separate them.)


Wouldn't it be more civil if we just elected our president American Idol style?
Seacrest: And now to sing from the Nelly catalog, here's Wesley Clark and Condoleezza Rice with "Tilt Ya Head Back" ...
Voter turnout would be a hell of a lot higher.

Gordon is a genius and writes for Quick in Dallas and works on The Ticket, Sports Radio there too.

Bon Jovi Farce

Soon til we see the Rock Gods again.......



We'll have the tickets now Mr Ticketmaster ya bastards.
It's only been booked 6 months. You think they'd get the paperwork sorted by now.
Some fans have booked holidays around the gigs but can't leave home because the tickets haven't arrived.

Eurovision

We have strange traditions in Britain. Pantomime is one which, if I had time to explain would knock your socks off America. The other is sitting down in front of the TV every year to watch the absurdity that is - The Eurovision Song Contest.

It is a parade of European countries in ridiculous oufits with mad dance routines and retro-rock and pop melodies all performing to an audience Europe-wide who then tele-vote for the best. You can't vote for your own country.

This year the highlights included a middle-aged white rapper with Britney Spears look-a-likes prancing around for the UK.
A hellish Rock act of monsters from Finland who eventually won.
A bunch of suits from Latvia yelling ' we are the Winners of Eurovision, vote for us' as part of their lyrics with little regard for a tune.
My favourites were the Germans who had a nice little Country song and were dressed like Cowboys and reminded me of Chevy Chase, Steve Martin et al in the Three Amigos...... I did mention this was the German entry....Bizarre.

This is Daz Sampson, the UK's entry. Call me mad but I quite like it..... It's also strangely arousing.

Da Vinci Code

An article by Gordon Keith. Check out Gordo's website and his Columns at Dallas 'Quick' magazine


'Da Vinci Code' is so crazy, it just may work
By GORDON KEITH

Two years ago in a sunlit office on the West Coast ...

"Jennifer, could you send in Ron Howard please?" Bob turns to Pete. "Pete, you realize that this is Potsy, that little kid from Barney Griffith?"

"Really?" The two men settle into the couch under a Kandinsky print. "I'll be damned."

"Yeah. He's sensitive about it, so don't bring it up."

The door opens. Ron Howard is all smiles, buckteeth and bald head.
"Howard, good to see you! Sit down, sit down. Cocaine?"

"No thanks."

"Well, we have read the script for The Da Vinci Code, and we just love it. Don't we Bob?"

"Absolutely, Pete."

"Great stuff. Really great stuff," Bob says. "Now, we haven't really read the script, but we are familiar with your other films. Why don't you tell us what this one is about?"

Ron Howard is a little taken aback. "It's about hidden clues in the paintings of Leonardo Da Vinci that point all the way back to a conspiracy surrounding Jesus Christ," he says.

"Perfect, just perfect! Who does Jesus kill to get the paintings back?" Bob says.
"No one," Ron says.

"OK. I see, I see. He has them stolen from Him! By who? Carjackers?" Pete asks.

"No. Jesus is simply the backdrop of a present day mystery set in Europe," Ron says.

"People have heard of Jesus, so we get some great name recognition right there," says Bob. "But –and this is just talking you understand – couldn't we make sure we have a few explosions in there?"

"Maybe from carjackers," Pete adds.

"Perfect Pete," says Bob, "and since Jesus is from the Middle East, we should definitely put some terrorists in there!"

"But hot terrorists. I'm thinking Heath Ledger, with Ashton Kutcher as a wisecracking sidekick. And they are after Jesus' paintings because they heard he dissed them at a party."

"Yes! A party for 9/11 victims."

"What?" Ron says.

"Or maybe, since he is Jesus and all, an orphanage party, but we need something a little more hip than Leonardo Divinci. I am just thinking out loud here, but how about Kayne West?"

"Perfect, Bob!" says Pete. "Kayne West is an artist, say from Detroit, but instead of painting, he raps! Jesus hears that hot terrorist carjackers are going to shut down the 9/11 orphanage in Detroit, so he has a rap-off with Kayne West to keep the orphanage going and get his paintings back."

"What do you think, Ron?"

"You're both out of your minds. In the book, Jesus marries Mary Magdalene and they have a child whose offspring exists in France today."

Bob and Pete stare at Ron, then each other.

"Come on now, Ron. Let's not get crazy."

Superfly

My job is to make specs but I would struggle to get new lenses into these.

The scientists that invented these wanted to make the fly see that he was, indeed, landing on shit rather than steak.

Read more here

Just Like my Dreams..

The FA Cup Final 2006 - My heart was broken by Steven Gerrard in the last minute of normal time when he thumped in the equalising goal.

The strain my body goes through on these emotional and tense games is really unbelievable.
You have to experience it to believe the Passion that is flowing through your veins.

I suspect I have much more heartache to follow this June with the World Cup. Gerrard better perform like that for England. To make matters worse, his strike in the final seconds stopped me winning £100 from the bookies.

Come on you Irons

I'm forever blowing bubbles,
Pretty bubbles in the air.
They fly so high,
they reach the sky
and like my dreams,
they fade and die.
Fortunes always hiding,
I looked everywhere.
I'm forever blowing bubbles,
Pretty bubbles in the air.

C'MON YOU IRONS!!!!

West Ham United are in the FA Cup Final this Saturday.
I am sooooo excited. It's been 26 years since I last saw them in a major final.
There's been a lot happen in that time but my love for the Hammers will never die.

Titanic - Two the Surface

I've got to see this....

I know it's a spoof..... but I'd watch it

Like S**t off a Shovel

Revolutionary jet engine tested

A new jet engine designed to fly at seven times the speed of sound appears to have been successfully tested.

The scramjet engine, the Hyshot III, was launched at Woomera, 500km north of Adelaide in Australia, on the back of a two stage Terrier-Orion rocket.
Once 35km up, the Hyshot III fell back to Earth, reaching speeds analysts hope will have topped Mach 7.6 (9,000 km/h).

It is hoped the British designed Hyshot III will pave the way for ultra fast, intercontinental air travel.

An international team of researchers is presently analysing data from the experiment, to see if it was a full success.

The scientists had just six seconds to monitor its performance before the £1m engine crashed into the ground.

Rachel Owen, a researcher from UK defence firm QinetiQ, which designed the scramjet, said it looked like everything had gone according to plan.


Will there still be time to serve tea?

That's Amori

I'm back and then I'll be gone again. Too busy to blog....
take what you can get kids.

This is Silvio Berlusconi, Prime Minister of Italy.

Celebration

A young man stumbles into a pub and tells the barman to line up seven shots of Jack Daniels.
He downs them all one after the other.
"Wow!" exclaims the barman, "What was that for?"
"I had my first blow-job" the young man replies.
"Well, in that case a bottle of champagne is on the house" the barman offers.
"That's Ok" says the customer, "If seven Jack Daniels doesn't get rid of the taste then nothing will."

Geek Sex

Scientists, no doubt who are single, have calculated a formula for your optimum sexual performance time.

AL / T + 10 x AG / SF x G = ST

AL = alchohol units per week
AG = Age
SF = Sexual frequency per week
G = Gender 1.5 female, 2.0 male
T = Sex time preference 1.5 morning, 2.0 evening

add or subtract ST to 6am for your horniest time.

It's 10.40am ..... how about it?

Better late than never

It sounds like somebody has got their fingers burnt.

President George W Bush has warned the US must break its "addiction" to oil, in his State of the Union address.
He said the US was too reliant on oil, often from "unstable" countries, and had to find alternatives.

It would also be better for this planets climate if you researched something alternative, George, not just because you realised you can't fight the 'unstable' world when things arent going your way.

Therapy

Saw this at Kalani's place.

I like it....

Pah!

I'm going to see Rock gods, Bon Jovi for the umpteenth time this summer.

More exciting than seeing the boys is the thrill of seeing the first concert at the NEW Wembley stadium. I saw the last gig there, by Bon Jovi also, and when we booked up for the first one June 11th then I was so happy....

... then an email hits Big Dipper Central,
"be the first to witness history" it said,
"see Bon Jovi at the first ever Wembley gig".
That's me I thought
"New date added" it said
"Saturday 10th June"..
cough. Excuse me!!!

They have only gone and added a date before the one I paid £75 for.
What's worse is that leaving Wembley on a Sunday night will be so much hassle for the next day at work and school for the kids. Saturday would have been so much better.

The die-hard fans booked tickets straight away and are rewarded with the second(!) gig at the new Wembley...

On a brighter note, Bon Jovi survived a plane drama last week... at least there will be a gig to see, that's if the builders get the work done in time.

Whale meat again.

What a lot of fuss we had over here regarding the whale who swam up the Thames. She was obviously distressed and ill and didn't benefit from the 'help' that the rescuers gave her.

The reporters on Friday clambering around in boats and ,without any sense of irony at all, claiming the whale was 'distressed by the attention' did nothing to ease the poor things discomfort.

All in all, I think we made a 'pigs ear' of the whole episode.

Worrying

I heard that 80% of road accidents are within 10 miles of where you live..........

I'm thinking of moving.

If Music be the Food of Love....

Hello, bloggers.

I'm back in England and back to work. I am refreshed from the Christmas break in Texas. There was great 70 to 80 degree weather when we left and cc-cold snowy weather when I got home.

Well done to Vince Young and the Longhorns in last nights Rose Bowl. He has awesome potential. Let's hope he ends up at the Cowboys.

I got Game

We are off to the American Ailines Centre tonight to watch the Dallas Mavericks play. Yay!
Suzy bought me tickets for Christmas to match the Cowboy tickets she got me last year.

It's gonna be great. I've never been to a basketball game before, I'm so excited.

This was the view on Christmas morning. Beautiful sun through Pecan trees. It turned out to be 70 degrees and like a summer day.

Santa Claus is coming..

A question for all the Americans amongst you...

Why do you add the tax onto prices after you purchase them? We have 17.5% tax added into the price of goods in Britain and so when it says on the label, 30 pounds (damn American keyboard doesn't have a pound sign on it!) then it means 30 pounds.
Here in America, if the tag says $20 then that means you pay something stupid, like $21.32 (whatever) and you get bucket loads of coins as change.
The American economy could benefit from having tax worked into the prices so that if you buy something from a dollar shop it actually costs a dollar! and you don't have to make so many quarters and dimes to give people in change.

Anywho.. Merry Christmas y'all and I'll see you on the other side of a huge turkey dinner. We bought our own crackers (not familiar with crackers? I'll tell ya later) They don't sell crackers in Texas so we risked smuggling explosives(!) onto the plane.

Baby, It's Cold Outside.

It's 74 degrees F here in Texas and we chose the hot day to travel to the Gaylord Texan Hotel to see 'Ice' , a collection of ice sculptures kept in 9 below zero temperatures. It was very impressive and the hotel is so big... Evertything bigger in Texas.










We went to see King Kong. He dies in the end.... which is just as well because for one minute, there, it looked like we were heading for a beastiality flick!

Shopping til I'm dropping.

Christmas countdown continues. The sun is out today. There is a real drought here in this part of Texas.
There has only been 0.08" of rain in the Dallas area and the authorities are on fire alert.

It rained yesterday but that was just light derrr-rizzle.
We went to Best Buy and Target yesterday and a shopping mall the day before.

It amazes me how 'empty' the shops are. Compared with English shops in the run up to Christmas, the mall are quite. It is much more fun shopping here at Xmas time than in hustling, bustling England.
I'm sure as I speak that there are cases of trolley-rage hitting the UK as the tension heats up at home.

Have a nice day, y'all.

Lazy Sunday

It was a catch-up weekend. Catch up on sleep.
Saturday night we went to visit some friends of Jim. Jim lives with Suzy's mum and it was his son-in-laws suprise birthday in Colleyville, North of Fort Worth.

It was weird going to a suprise party for someone you don't know. We ended up chatting 'soccer', Royal Family and having to dispell the myth that 'Rock School' with Gene Simmons was a true reflection on UK education.

I spent all day Sunday watching NFL. The Cowboys put in a stinko performance and I wished I'd gone with Suzy to watch Narnia at the cinema.

Off to the Mall today. The weather is grey and chilly.... just like home. A truly hospitable welcome by the Texans......supplying British weather for us, how kind of them.

Yee Harr!!

I have arrived safe and sound. The jet-lag has been taken care of with an 11 hour sleep-fest.

On the plane I watched Goal, which is a slightly cheesy football film set in Newcastle and involves an inconcievable rags to riches story. Big Dipper Star rating ***

The 40 yearold Virgin was laugh out loud funny but with a lot of swearing and heavy sex references, including beastiality, it did make me wonder what would happen if the kids weren't able to sit within censoring distance of us. BD stars = ****

Then I watched Batman Begins which was... ho hum. Better than some Batman films but not my cup of tea really. BD stars = ***

I didn't watch Mrs Hendersons Presents or A Cinderella Story. The latter being praised by Sooz as a great film which, for a boxing film, must have been good to get her vote. Sooz Stars = *****

The DFW new International Terminal is very impressive. Absolutely huge but .. empty. Because it was so large it seems like our plane was the only arrival in one of the largest airports in the country.

The taxi driver was a Matthew McMCounaghy sound-a-like. He was very entertaining and a very laid back soul who was dreaming of winning the lottery and chilling out by the coast.
He promised that whoever was in his viechle when he found out he wins would be very lucky people. Needless to say he the good news never filtered through.

I'm leaving on a jetplane...

Off to DFW tomorrow morning so this is my last post before I get to the Land of the Free(refills).

I'm not keen on flying. Hurtling through the air at 600mph in a tube for 10 hours is not my idea of fun but hey.... it's better than hurtling through the air in a tube at 900mph towards the ground for 2 minutes!

I'll see y'all on the other side.. of the pond

My Next Purchase

I'm thinking of getting one of these keyboards....
If they can just get a mouse I can easily use with my left hand then I'm sorted.

Texas Xmas

God's own country.... I'm on my way.

Heading out to Texas this Friday. A Texas Ex-mas at the mother-in-laws.

She is a very kind lady who is very generous to us. She is always pleased to see her grand-children (Suzy's kids)

My children stay with their mum back here in England. It makes my heart sink that I don't get to see them around Christmas. We will have them to stay over when we get back and they can have some great American prezzies that we bring back for them.


Anyway y'all. Keep an eye out for pictures of our Texas Christmas and blogging from America.

You may have noticed.... I'M BACK.

I installed a wireless ADSL Router at work so I am able to get blogging when times are slack. This time of year it is VERY slack. *yawn*

Blog Slacker

Hi, People. x

Sorry I have been neglecting the blog. I have a wireless ADSL connection to set up at work. Just waiting for the line to be Broadbanded. Soon buddies...soon.

It's all go at work...not as bad as I thought but very hectic at times.

I'll get blogging again soon.... promise

Stay Hard

Ice, ice baby

I went ice-skating this weekend.
It was part of Joe's, Sooz's youngest, birthday suprise.

They have set an ice rink up in Somerset House, London.
It is outside but luckily the snow and rain held off.



I can't skate but by the end of the hour I had fallen just twice, the second time a spectacular controlled flat-on-my-back fall.
I was moving well in the end. It frustarates me that I can't do something so I kept practising and figured, as long as I didn't lean backwards then I was fairly safe. It worked and I was quite proud of myself in the end.



Work is almost set-up now. I just need the broadband to make it half acceptable. The other half was left in beautiful Canterbury. I am missing it a lot. Ho and indeed, Hum.

I'm Alive

Hi Blogging buddies and other wonderful, lovely people who read this.

I have set up in my new work place but still no Broadband so this blog is really suffering. Sorry.

I'll leave you with a joke and hopefully I will be back Half Nekkid next week.

Two elephants fell off a cliff.... Boom, Boom!

Busy Bee

No time to Blog people. I'm a very busy guy at the moment...
A busy guy without a computer at work yet and no broadband anyway.

I'll check in now and again but it could be quiet this week

Well Done New Zealand... I knew they would beat England in the Rugby. I just had to trash talk to keep Paul on his toes.
Great team you have there.

My Favourite Job 1986 - 2006

In the grand scheme of things then my pain today is small.

In the "one-day-we-will-all-be-dust-and-the-Earth-will-crash-into-the-Sun" kinda thinking, then leaving a place where you have spent 20 years of your adult life is slightly insignificant, but....

I have been making spectacles in a small laboratory in Canterbury, Kent. I am being moved to the Opticians practice where I will have to meet 'the Public' and work with other people. I have grown used to working on my own-some. It's gonna be a drag.

There are some pictures of my lair on this post. I know it looks a mess but it's MY mess and to my eyes, a work of art. Click on the pictures for a closer look.

The place is more like a 'bachelor pad' in the way I have been able to put posters up and keep my 'junk' lieing around.

I have spent more waking hours there than any other place on Earth. There are notches on the wall where I measured my children's height after they visit me at work from time to time.




The radio has played a big part in my working day.
I started in 1986 listening to Simon Mayo on Radio 1's breakfast show with a crackly AM reception (in those days Radio 1 was on AM) and finished in 2006 listening to him on Radio Five over the internet.
Simon Bates and 'Our Tune' was the next show on and Steve Wright made the afternoon's a joy.
Then Danny Baker on Radio Five was the entertainment de la jour. He left and I found Tommy Boyd on Talk Radio (later Talk Sport) to be great fun.
In the last year or so I have been entertained by The Muser's on Dallas Sport Radio- The Ticket over the Internet.


I have seen many things happen in my life here.
I have been married.
I've seen my boss have two more children to add to his oldest.
I have passed my driving test and bought a car.
I have been to college day-release courses and qualified to make glasses.
I have had two beautiful children.
I have seen a total eclipse of the sun.
I heard 9/11 happen here over the radio
I have broken my jaw(I must do that story one day) and my leg.
I have had a very dark day here which I will not tell.
I 've had an affair here.
I have been divorced and set up home with Sooz
My children have been to stay here during days off school.
I have slept here several times after my affair and some rows.


I look around me now and I can feel tears welling up as I think back to how things were when I started here.
I can tell you that Time Travel is possible... in your mind.

Memory should be classed as an emotion.

BTW. The long awaited Rugby match between New Zealand(All Blacks) and England(World Champions..yep Paul, still the best in the World. Official) is this weekend.

HNT # 18

Pucker up for a kiss goodbye to the end of an era.

I am leaving my workplace for the last 20 years tommorrow and tears will fall.

It's been a blast.

Half Nekkid Central is here. Check it out

Gamesmanship

There's a fine line between 'cheating' and some tactics.
The Philedelphia Eagles have huge 'big screens' right between the goalposts and they cover almost all of the end-zone. (I have seen them in my Playstation game... how sad am I?)

It was confirmed by a reporter, who was at the recent Cowboys v Eagles game, that when the Eagles kicker is lining up a field-goal there is a black screen with a small Eagles logo for him to aim at between the posts.

When the opposition are taking their kick then the screen, which fills the kickers vision when he lines up the kick, is filled with a close-up, zoomed in shot of the kickers face.

There's a saying over here - "It's just not Cricket" which just about covers what I feel about that.

Pub Crawl

A tour of some Canterbury pubs for Paul.
Trust him to notice the lack of bars in my previous post.

Fancy a Pint?

I will miss the Old Place

I have been told that the place where I have worked for 20 years is moving.
Now.... the Big Dipper is not a guy who likes change and so this whole "20 years and now for something completely different" vibe is not floating my boat..... In fact it is down-right depressing me.

My work venue is changing, my work description is changing, the whole working-on-your-own thing that I love is changing.... Did I mention I hate change?

Worst of all.... I have to meet and greet the 'General Public'. Aaaarrrrrgghh!!!

I am also moving away from Canterbury, the city I have seen blossom from a 1970's dump to a fantastic tourist and shopping area.
I have seen so many changes in this place since childhood. But the little workshop I work in has hardly changed at all. *sigh*.
I'm going to miss Canterbury. *big sigh*

Here is a picture tour for y'all.
Americans beware... there are buildings pictured here older than your Nation.

In the shadow of Canterbury Catherdral is my 'lair'

When I see this I know I am nearly at work.

The 'Crooked House' on the corner of the road I work in.

The Sun Hotel has been a jewellers for more than the 20 years I have worked here. There was an armed robbery in the 90's. I seem to remember that the owner was shot.

Canterbury Cathedral Gate.

Ye Olde Starbucks, next to the Catherdral Gate. It used to be ye olde Pizzaland and before that I think it was an empty shell with shabby curtains covering the windows. It was also a hotel and still has some rooms available today.

Canterbury is full of small alleys. This is alongside Gap and has several places to eat along it.

Canterbury's newest resturant. Cafe Rouge, opened last month. Notice the temporary Rememberance monument wear you can place a Poppy cross to remember those fallen in the wars.

The 'Golden Archs' sit in the 1970's part of town. The horrible flat roofed buildings will be rebuilt one day.

The ClockTower is part of a church which was destroyed by bombs during WW2. The Luftwaffe would fly back from having bombed London and empty the bombs they had left on parts of Kent. The Tower is the only bit of history left standing here.

Now we are close to the newest part of the city. this is the department store Fenwicks, formerly Ricemans. This is the start of the Whitefriars shopping complex. The whole area was part of an archaelogical dig before it was built. Because of Canterbury's historic past then the law states that any new developments must have an excavation before it can continue. Several discoveries were made over the course of a couple of years. Find out more here

The new Whitefriars shopping centre.

In a bizarre twist of irony, we have Virgin nextdoor to Ann Summers sex shop.

The Marlowe Arcade

Heading back into the High Street, the cathedral can be seen from most places.

Moving back to the cathedral gates, lunchtime is over. I will not get to see these sights next week.

I will miss the old place.

There have been some great, great memories here. *sigh*

I will be very busy this week so I will post when I can. Sorry that it has been a long post but I hope you enjoyed some of the sights. I have more images and will share them later.

Remember Them

"They shall not grow old as we who are left grow old.
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning,
WE WILL REMEMBER THEM."

It is November 11th and those that gave the ultimate sacrifice and those who are giving that same sacrifice today, are remembered by us, the people they fought for to keep this world free.

We should never forget the men and women who die for us. They are put in situations that we would consider to be hell on earth. No matter where you stand on the war debate, you have to respect the fighters who are risking and giving their lives so we do not have to.

During the World Wars the general public were called upon to fight for their country. How many of us would be willing to jump into that Spitfire cockpit or set sail in warships to risk being burnt to death or drowning?

The British Legion sell Poppies for us to wear to remember the fallen soldiers. The Poppy is a flower of the fields in France where the mud and blood ran together during World War 1.

"In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the gun below."
John McCrae
(1872-1918)

There were some terrible decisions to be made during these wars. Many men were forced to take the life of another human so they could live. I am filled with respect for the veterans of WW1 and WW2 who, today, return to the graves of their fallen comrades and are full of forgiveness for their German counterparts.

I can only imagine the thoughts that some of these 80 year old gentlemen are thinking as they stand in silence today for 2 minutes at 11am.
They must re-live all the life they have lived and grieve for their friends and colleagues who fell at such a young age, never to see the things they have.

No matter what political viewpoint you have, Please Remember the brave men and women who gave their lives so we can live the life we have today.

The poll this week asked -

Would you fight for your Country :

Hell yeah -------------31%
No ---------------------19%
I don't know----------50%

HNT # 17

Read 'em and weep...




One is sad and the other sparkling...
Guess which one is looking at you.

Happy HNT peepholes.

Check out Osbasso for some more Nekkidness

Random Shite:

Little Goodbyes - SheDaisy

Egg Chasing

The All Blacks, New Zealand Rugby team started their tour of Britain with an impressive performance (eventually) against Wales.

Some of you visitors to this and Paul's Blog will be aware of the Haka, the dance the All Blacks perform before the game to intimidate their opponents.

Some are... err ... let's say ...turned on by it, eh Kalani?

Well the English have been practising their own aggresive dance to answer the mighty Haka.

Powered by Castpost



Check it out and compare it with the (lame) New Zealand effort. :)
If you computer can cope then play them both at the same time....
err Good Luck to England, I think we might need it!

Random Shite :
One Minute Man - Missy Elliott

Run to the Hills

I was wondering... Do any Native American Indians sit around moaning about all the people in their country who don't speak the language?

Random Shite :
Breathless - The Corrs

I Have Nothing

"Buy Nothing Day" is coming up soon.

I don't know who is behind it but sounds like a good idea to me.

Random Shite :
Little Bit Lonely - Billy Currington

Penny for the Guy?

Tomorrow night is Guy Fawkes night.

To celebrate the fact that Parliment survived being blown up in 1606 then we blow up stuff ourselves.

Bonfire night, Firework night... whatever you want to call it , British people have been braving the chilled, autumn wind and rain since childhood to celebrate the failure of a Middle Ages Catholic Terrorist.



When we were young we used to build 'Guys' and take then around houses asking '..penny for the Guy?'
Stuffed clothes and papermache heads for your Guy. He was often put in push-chairs and taken around the neighbourhood.
Nobody does it these days due to the increase in popularity of Halloween.

There was also the gruesome act of throwing your Guy onto the bonfire... Parents encouraging burning Catholic effiges!... it seemed right at the time.

The fireworks that go off constantly for two weeks cause the emergancy services a major headache. Fireworks on sale in superstores for anyone to buy (over18) is a bad idea. Every year there are stories of dogs and cats having fireworks tied to their tails. Fireworks through letterboxes and burnt children are also increased during these few days.


We went to a scouts display the other day and one of the fireworks flew off at a right angle over the kids heads and exploded 6 feet off the ground. Another didn't take off and exploded on the ground.

I don't think members of the public should be allowed access to explosives. We will go to the big display at the local beach tomorrow. It will be big and flashy . More importantly it will be safe.

Remember, Remember the 5th of November. Gunpowder, treason and plot.

The poll this week was
Fireworks are..

..cool -----------------------67%
..a nuisance ---------------0%
..like burning money ---11%
..over-rated --------------11%
..dangerous --------------11%

Random Shite:
Our House - Madness

HNT # 16

Somewhere over the nipple

Happy HNT to everyone and if you don't have a clue what HNT is then go see The Wizard, Os

Random Shite:

Emily - Bowling for Soup

Easy Money

I am working on a project at the moment (news to follow) and it involves setting up a website.

I have got the bare bones sorted out. (any tips are welcome dipper@dsl.pipex.com )

It involves getting a domain name. I searched and found there are hundreds of places that offer to sell you blahblah.com.

Isn't this a bit like naming stars and charging for it? Who says these companies have domain names to sell you?
Bizarre.

Happy Indecisive Day.... I think! (see post below)

Random Shite :
Dog Eat Dog - AC/DC

The Brits are coming...

I recieved this the other day from Paul who shall remain nameless...err...ooops.
It is titled - An open letter from John Cleese. Whether it is from the legend himself, I doubt.

*EDIT - Thanks Lori for a more detailed list. I have updated it. *

Big Dipper disassociates himself from the comments but secretly smirks to himself.

A message from John Cleese to the citizens of the United States of America:

To the citizens of the United States of America, in light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II resumes monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.8% of you who have, until now, been unaware there's a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America. Congress and the Senate are disbanded. A questionnaire circulated next year will determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid your transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. Look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Check "aluminium" in the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you pronounce it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'. Likewise you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary." Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed." There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you should not have chat shows.

2. There is no such thing as "U.S. English." We'll let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u'.

3. You should learn to distinguish English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). Scottish dramas such as 'Taggart' will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.You must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1.

5. You should stop playing American "football." There's only one kind of football. What you call American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.1% of you aware there is a world outside your borders may have noticed no one else plays "American" football. You should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). You should stop playing baseball. It's not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders," which is baseball without fancy team stripe, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

6. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns, or anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because you are not sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you need a permit to carry a vegetable peeler.

7. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday. It will be called "Indecisive Day."

8. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left. At the same time, you will go metric without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

9. Learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't French, they're Belgian though 97.8% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.

10. The cold tasteless stuff you call beer is actually lager. Only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer." Substances once known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," except for the product of the American Budweiser company which will be called "Weak Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine." This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

11. The UK will harmonise petrol prices (or "Gasoline," as you will be permitted to keep calling it) for those of the former USA, adopting UK petrol prices (roughly $7/US gallon, get used to it).

12. Learn to resolve personal issues without guns, lawyers or therapists. That you need many lawyers and therapists shows you're not adult enough to be independent. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

13. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

14. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Random Shite:
Oh My God - Kaiser Chiefs

Happy All Hallows Eve

I work part-time as a soccer tournament organiser. One evening a ball was kicked out of the play area into some woods. I retrieved the ball only to find it had a 4 inch, serrated bladed knife sticking out of it. I brought the knife home with me and it has been in our kitchen drawer for over a year until, two nights ago, I had to carve the pumpkin for Halloween. I saw the knife and thought it looked ideal for the job.

Here is 'JAcK'. Take this warning dear reader. JAcK is evil.. You see, the knife used to carve him was used in a bloody murder and thrown into the very woods that I found it. The victim had their eyes carved out after the murderer had removed the inside of the poor souls head. His mouth was slit to produce a grizzly smile that haunted the police officers that made the gruesome discovery.


JAcK has the spirit of the victim inside him and will come alive tonight to seek vegance from the owner of the knife........

Mwuu ha ha ha ha haaa. Happy Halloween

Seasons

Voting for the favourite season turned up Summer as the winner with Football in second place. Does Football count as a winter/autumn vote though?

Spring ----19%
Summer --33%
Autumn ---14%
Winter -----10%
Football ---24%

One of the things I love about living in Britain is that we have real seasons. The seasons are a mirror image of life itself.

Spring is fresh and young, full of life and sparkling.
Summer is warm for living and enjoying life to the full.
Autumn is when things start to fall apart but is truly beautiful while its happening.
Winter is the end. Cold and barren but with a cozy feel sometimes.

I have a few photos of some seasons from over here taken with my own camera.



Spring

Summer

Autumn

Winter

HNT # 15

How's your eyesight?

Happy HNT. If you don't know why there is a pornstar pose on my blog then check out the HNT pimp here.

Random Shite:
Goody Two Shoes - Adam & The Ants

No Fags Allowed

It's been decided by our Government that smoking will be banned in all pubs, clubs and indoor establishments in England and Scotland. I think the Scottish ban starts in a few months time.




The drip-drip effect of making smoking a nasty habit and dangerous has allowed a 'nanny state' to stop one of the social pleasures for some people.

I'm not saying I think smoking should be allowed around other people who don't want it. I just want to raise the question of a 'ban culture' being a dangerous route(rowt/root) to go down.

Banning things seems to be the answer to everything for some people. Stopping or changing peoples rights is not fair though. It's only a matter of time before they get around to banning something you enjoy.

The Government doesn't really want to stop smoking altogether. The revenue the British Government gets form smoking far outweighs the healthcare costs. They cannot afford for everyone to stop smoking.

It is more dangerous for people to walk in the street with exhaust fumes being breathed than it is for them to smoke or breathe in smoke.

I do understand that a lot of people welcome this ban. Smoking can leave clothes smelly and damage your health. Like a typical Libra, I'm not sure where I stand.

Random Shite:
The Handsome Life of Swing - Lostprophets

The English Language # 423

A question for my American friends.... If this (routine) is pronounced Rooteen then how can this (route) be Rowt?

In the mother country this (route) says root.

...not that I am anal or anything!!

Random Shite:
Mean Woman Blues - Roy Orbison