You sir.... are an ass!

Another Article from the legend Gordon Keith


By GORDON KEITH


Lloyd Bentsen, influential Texas politician, died the other day at the age of 85.

He was probably best known to our generation as the man who put down Dan Quayle in a 1988 vice presidential debate. Quayle, fending off criticisms of his age (he was 41), mentioned in the debate that he was as old as President John F. Kennedy when Kennedy took office. A haughty Bentsen shot back, "Senator, I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine, and you, sir, are no Jack Kennedy." Bada bing! Them smarts.

Yesterday, after mourning really hard, I became curious. What are some of the other debate zingers in America's glorious past? So I slogged through YouTube.com and pulled some of the more memorable comebacks, one-liners and hearty rejoinders from our ugly political history.

George Washington vs. John Adams (1789)
Washington: I ask for your vote, not so I can win, so I can serve.
Adams: Yeah, why don't you serve some of this. (Vulgar hand motion.)

Abraham Lincoln vs. Stephen Douglas (1860)
Lincoln: And if Stephen Douglas is elected, I fear where this country is headed.
Douglas: If you get elected I fear your looks. What are you, like 6-foot-12? Grow a mustache, stop creeping everybody out and shut the hell up.

Franklin Roosevelt vs. Thomas Dewey (1944)
FDR: And if I am elected to a fourth term, I will carry America out of this world war and into prosperity!
Dewey: Let's work on being able to walk first before we carry anybody, OK?

John F. Kennedy vs. Richard Nixon (1960)
Kennedy: On college campuses across our great land, there is one name of hope on the lips of our future, and that is John F. Kennedy.
Nixon: Well, they may say John F. Kennedy, but I say F. John Kennedy. Boo-yah! (Nixon dances in place as crowd hisses.)

Bob Dole vs. Bill Clinton (1996)
Dole: I feel that tax-and-spend economics will not work on any level, and the American people deserve a president who understands conservative economics.
Clinton: Just say it. I could nail your wife. Say it. (The men chest-bump and stare each other down as Jim Lehrer attempts to separate them.)


Wouldn't it be more civil if we just elected our president American Idol style?
Seacrest: And now to sing from the Nelly catalog, here's Wesley Clark and Condoleezza Rice with "Tilt Ya Head Back" ...
Voter turnout would be a hell of a lot higher.

Gordon is a genius and writes for Quick in Dallas and works on The Ticket, Sports Radio there too.