Tagged

Lelly-licious tagged me and wants some answers to some questions.

Spolight on.... electro-nipple-clamps attached.... Here goes :

10 years ago: I had a three year old son and long hair. I had been to St Andrews to watch The Open for the first time. Apart from that I really couldn’t say what was happening. It’s all a bit of a blur. Move on to the next question. I have plenty to say there..

5 years ago: I was getting ready to have a vaesectomy. *scream* The second most mentally scarring experiance I had ever been through. Little did I know that after this, my life would go spinning out of control and several very bad things would happen (I will not share, just yet) which ended with me leaving my wife and setting up home with my lovely Suzy.
Ok.. The snip. Well... it didn't hurt. That's some sort of consolation but wow the sheer terror of what they do is enough to make any man cross his legs. I arrived at the hospital on my own. I went to book in and was told to strip off, put on the gown and wait by the bed. Sweaty palms and second thoughts were order of the day. I had decided to do it because my wife was adamant she would never want another baby. We had two beautiful kids and ‘no way’ was she going to have a third. She was going to get sterilised. I told her that because she had been through childbirth *twice* then I would get ‘done’. I didn’t want to see her get sterilized and be in pain again.
I was called into the theatre. An operating theatre but it may as well have been a West End theatre with the nerves flying around my head when I walked in *alone again* The two doctors, two nurses and some other staff were standing around chatting. I was told to lay down. They lifted the gown and there I was with Big D and ‘the boys’ revealed before their audience. I had only ever ‘been with’ my wife and she was the only woman to have ‘seen’ me. (The ‘Big Guy’ was not looking his, err.. lets say.. tallest, considering what my brain was telling him). Now there were at least 5 people gawking and worst still, they had knives!!
Before the knives came the needle! (I know most men have stopped reading) The doctor didn’t restrain from the ‘just a little prick’ joke and more disturbing than that he said it would feel like he was tugging me. As it turns out, he was sort of right because after flopping ‘the old boy’ to one side and cutting into the… (oo I can’t say it but you know what he cut into). After he was 'in' he cut the tube and I felt a ‘tugging’ feeling inside while he tied the end of the tube up. (Just a small note to tell you I am cringeing while typing this *shivers*). While he was doing this, a female nurse was making small talk with me. I just wished she would leave me to my own thoughts of happy things.(Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens. Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens…).
Anyway turns out he wasn’t a boy scout and couldn’t tie tubes properly because in three months time I had got my wife pregnant again. A test (wanking into a cup) was done to check I still had microscopic dippers swimming. They were and the baby was mine. Then the ‘very bad’ thing happenend which I will not share with y’all yet and needless to say I still only have two children but I’ve still got ‘little dippers’ swimming in ‘the boys’. In another year I had left my wife and was living with my lovely Suzy.

1 Year ago: I had just got back from Texas after Suzy and me went to visit her mum, who lives in Dallas. We had spent a wonderful time visiting San Antonio. The Riverwalk is beautiful and we decided to travel back North again via Bracketville. It turns out the maps are small scale and Bracketville was about 200 miles away. Phew!. We headed that way to visit the film set that John Wayne built for The Alamo film he made. It is great. It is just an old wildwest town and Alamo replica in the middle of nowhere. Baking hot and rattlesnake country(we didn’t see any), there were four or five ‘actors’ who put on a show everyday out there. We were the only family there but I’m sure they put the show on even if no-one is there.
We continued our way back 400 miles along roads that went for 30 miles at a time without a turn. Dead straight, in the middle of nowhere. We saw only two cars coming the other way in a space of 3 hours. There were a few small towns along the way but we only stopped at the bigger ones.
We went back to Texas at Christmas and Suzy has been twice this year already. I think it’s great and it’s a lot greener than I thought it would be. Well, East Texas is.

Yesterday : I saw Farenheit 911 and watched it with a sceptical mind. I know what Michael Moore is like. He is heavily biased against the Republicans so I thought I will take it with a huge pinch of salt. Let me tell you it was a very convincing anti-war documentary. I know he 'has it in' for Bush but the ‘facts’ that he comes out with make you wonder what ‘corruption’ takes place behind closed doors. Gripping stuff.
I also saw Alexander. It was ok-ish but I couldn’t get around the fact that, because Colin Farrell is Irish and played Alexander, all the other Greeks had Irish accents too. Weird.

5 Songs I know all the words to:
ACDC - Whole lotta Rosie
Kiss – Detroit Rock City and lots of others
Bon Jovi – Bed of Roses and loads more
Shawn Colvin – Never saw Blue like That
Tim McGraw – Live like you were Dying

5 Snacks:
Twix
Custard Creams
Wine Gums
Crisps (chips)
Pistachio Nuts

5 Things I’d do with £100,000,000
-Invest loads for my children so they would have enough to be comfortable but not spoilt little-rich kids.
-Go to several places around the world and see all the things that should be seen. Pyramids, Australia, Grand Canyon, Tokyo etc.
-Get West Ham Utd season tickets if I had time to go each week.
-Make sure Suzy had everything she wants but not necessarily needs
-Make sure charities benefited. It would be hard because everyone would want some so I’d have to choose carefully. Maybe a childrens charity.

5 Places I’d run away to:
America
Australia
New Zealand
Who am I kidding. I hate change so probably wouldn’t go anywhere.

5 Things I’d never wear:
-A Manchester United football Shirt.
-Another countries football shirt.
-That’s it. I’d wear anything.. if I had to

5 Favourite TV Shows:
-Soccer AM (Sky)
-Big Brother
-Deadwood
-Lost
-Eastenders

5 Greatest Joys:
-Being a father
-Being in love
-Sport
-Life
-Great sex

5 toys:
-Internet
-PS2 (I’d love a PSP..anyone?)
-Golf clubs
-George Foreman Grilling machine
-Rampant Rabbit (not for me)

5 People to tag:
Sorry I won’t do that because if you want to do it then, go ahead, knock yourself out. You can blame me for tagging you. Let me know if you do, so I can read.

Peace