Humpty Dumpty

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the Kings horses
and all the Kings men,
couldn't put Humpty together again.





Now I'm not an egg reconstruction eggspert but don't you think they went wrong when they let the horses have first go at mending him?
You know...Lack of fingers and thumbs, not best for egg mending.

Mother Nature plays Daddy Destruction

Best wishes and thoughts are with the New Orleans and surrounding residents. I hope they can recover from the destruction of Hurricane Katrina.

In days gone by this type of disaster was put down to Gods fury. Thank goodness we have moved on and realise it is just the perils of living on a planet with unstable natural events.

Tsunami, tornadoes, earthquakes, volcanoes and hurricanes remind us how fragile our existance on Earth is. A meteor or asteroid collision would wipe us out completely.

I hope the religous 'nuts' who were heard saying that God inflicted the Asian tsunami on Thailand because of it's godless society are re-thinking their, frankly, less than Christian views.

We live on a hostile planet. Humans and nature both make it a dangerous place to live.

Love and thoughts for the people who have lost everything in the Gulf of Mexico area.

Happy Birthday sexy

It's my lovely lady's birthday today. So I make no apologies, as she is 4000 miles from me, to make this post a dedication to her.

Sooz, this song is for you:



And this picture of your *second* favourite man.




















And a big, warm hug and long, slow sexy kiss for you.














And some tears from me because I am not there with you.












HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE.
Come home safe
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Watch out.

This was sent to my email.

We recently have determined that different computers have logged into your PayPal account, and multiple password failures were present before the login. One of our Customer Service employees has already tryed to telephonically reach you. As our employee did not manage to reach you, this email has been sent to your notice.....

It continues to give other info. and asks for my account details.
I DON'T HAVE A PAYPAL ACCOUNT.
So a warning to those who do. If you get an email like this I think it may be a con. Beware.... And is telephonically a word anyway?

A delve into my archives and I post this.

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Hvae a graert wekened poelpe :)

HNT # 7

Half Nekkid Thursday # 7








Here's one for my sweetheart in Texas.
Mrs D is in Big D (Dallas) and this is one of her fav piccies.

It's a bit 'Patrick Duffy' but I don't have webbed feet...honest..

Have you heard this!!!



It's Paul Anka doing Van Halens 'Jump' (Sooz, It's Rockwell Jump, hee hee).
He has covered all sorts of modern songs in a Swing groove. Smells like Teen Spirit and Everybody Hurts to name a couple. I love it.
I'm sure others will hate it.

Me, Tarzan

A female reporter was in deep, dark Africa and came across Tarzan's tree house.
"Tarzan" she said "It is an honour to meet you. Can I interview you for my readers?"
"Tarzan don't do interviews" he replied in broken English.
"But the people at home would love to know how you cope in the wilderness" she pleaded "For instance, what do you do for sex?"
"Tarzan use tree hole" he said pointing at a hole in a nearby fallen tree.
The reporter was impressed by the size of the hole but felt she had to offer her services as the first female he has seen.
"I will offer you my body in return for that interview" she said "After all, you must need to have a woman and I offer myself as your first".
Tarzan agreed and the reporter stripped off and spread her legs in anticipation of the ravaging she would be getting.
Tarzan approached her and swiftly punched her right between the legs, twice!
"Owww!" she protested "What the hell are you doing?"
He looked at her confused and said "Tarzan checking for squirrels!"

Hair today....

OK.... Embarrasment time..
My hair through the decades.
Ihhhhfffffannguu









It's 1986 and A skinny and mulletted Dipper poses on his first car.
A powder blue Ford Fiesta.






Around 1987 I changed the mullett for a perm. A BIG mistake although in those barmy 80's I wasn't aware of what a dick I looked.


















1995 and my hair looks kinda cool here. In reality it kept falling across my face and there are many photos where it looks less than flattering.









10 years later and now in 2005 I have taken the plunge and shaved the lot off. Oh my! How old I look. Mrs Dipper is not keen but she is 4000 miles away in Texas. It will have grown by the time she returns...I hope!

Ooo-aarr!

I have a treat for all the non-British readers of this blog.
Anyone from these Isles will know the greatness of The Wurzels.

The West Country yokels(our rednecks) have been around for years but I would imagine they haven't 'broken' into the American market.


I give you "I've got a brand new combine harvester" by The Wurzels
It includes the classic first line - "I drove my tractor through your haystack last night" or, as they say..."I drove me tragder thru yer 'aystack lass noyte"

Also look out for the last line "..aarr, yer a foine lookin' woman an' I carnt wait t'get me 'ands on yer land"




If you liked that then give this a whirl... I know it sounds familiar at the beginning. Too funny.




Have a great weekend.....Ooo-aaaarr!

HNT # 6

Half Nekkid Thursday # 6

It's me...19seventy something.

Poole or Bournemouth beach.

Skinny, wild haired with farmers tan.

Age...12 or 13.

I have no camera at the moment so a delve into the archives.

I am very busy at work so may not get to comment on everyones pictures, sorry.

Happy HNT.

Swans

A quick observationan as I am soooo busy at work.
Swans... Stay in the water!
There are three swans that have just arrived in this neck of the woods(pun intended). They are so graceful & elegant...whilst on the water. However I saw one paddling in the shallow part of the river and..boy are they clumsy looking.
When they walk they have their huge body waddling along on stick legs and whopping plates (plates of meat, feet)
How can something that is so perfect in one scenario be absolutely awful in another?

I hear all the women thinking how that sounds like their men!

Don't shoot the messenger..

I said I would post what the British think about Americans. I do not hold all these views myself. I love America and Americans.


Disclaimer - These are not the views of myself. They are general stereotypes that I hear from this side of the pond. I have added my opinion on the end in bold.

- Americans are all fat NOT TRUE
- Americans are all Yanks NOT TRUE
- Americans are overly obsessed with their damn flag A BIT TRUE
- Americans wear garish coloured clothing and hideous sweaters TRUE
- Americans are obsessed with race and colour A BIT TRUE
- Americans must have beautiful news anchors in order to watch the news TRUE
- American news concentrates only on America NOT TRUE
- Americans are far too religous TRUE
- Americans are loud NOT TRUE
- Americans all carry guns NOT TRUE
- American military will shoot first and ask who they shot later NOT TRUE
- Americans are obsessed with teeth A BIT TRUE
- Americans excel at sport only they play NOT TRUE
- Americans will sue anyone or anything TRUE
- Americans voted for a moron NO COMMENT
- Americans will do anything to get on TV. NOT TRUE
- Americans are far too uptight on nudity NOT TRUE see HNT
- Americans think that they police the world A BIT TRUE


I know the British are seen as pompous with bad teeth. This is pretty much true but that's our health service and cynicism for you.

Quiz Answers.

Quiz Time Answers

INTRO 1 *difficult*
Lerr de doody doody doody
Lerr de doody doody doody
Lerr de doody doody doody
Lerr de doody doody doody
Lerr de doody doody doody
Lerr de doody doody doody
Lerr de doody doody doody
Lerr de doody doody doody

Dum dim... dum de dumbledum
Dum dim.. dum dum, dum dum
Dum...........dum
der dum der dum-bm-bm-bm-bm-bm-bm-gerdump

lerr der-der-der-der diddle diddle
lerr der-der-der-der diddle diddle
lerr der-der-der-der diddle diddle
lerr der-der-der-der diddle diddle
lerr der-der-der-der diddle diddle
lerr der-der-der-der diddle diddle
derr..derr..der..dum
derr.derr..der.dum

(vocals)

Answer = Guns n Roses - Sweet Child Of Mine


Powered by Castpost

INTRO 2 *hard*.
Answer = Avril Lavigne - Skater Boy

Answer

INTRO 3 *easy*

Answer = Bryan Adams - Summer of 69

Answer

Well done to Kalani , Kat and Blaze for getting one right

Name the songs..

Quiz Time
Here are 3 intros to great rock songs. Any ideas?

INTRO 1 *difficult*
Lerr de doody doody doody
Lerr de doody doody doody
Lerr de doody doody doody
Lerr de doody doody doody
Lerr de doody doody doody
Lerr de doody doody doody
Lerr de doody doody doody
Lerr de doody doody doody

Dum dim... dum de dumbledum
Dum dim.. dum dum, dum dum
Dum...........dum
der dum der dum-bm-bm-bm-bm-bm-bm-gerdump

lerr der-der-der-der diddle diddle
lerr der-der-der-der diddle diddle
lerr der-der-der-der diddle diddle
lerr der-der-der-der diddle diddle
lerr der-der-der-der diddle diddle
lerr der-der-der-der diddle diddle
derr..derr..der..dum
derr.derr..der.dum

(vocals)

INTRO 2 *hard*.

INTRO 3 *easy*

Answers 1, 2 and 3 in the comments please.

Only answer number 1 if you can't play clips at work.

I will reveal the answers HERE on Monday.
Come back and have a sing along with them.

HNT # 5

Half Nekkid Thursday # 5
or Where's my hair gone?

This is a picture of my 'spam', as we call it over here. My forehead.

It shows you the scar that I got when I was about 6 years old. I was at a birthday party and when my mum arrived to pick me up I was so excited that I ran out to meet here. I tripped on a kerbstone and whammo!

There was 'claret' everywhere. I had been told to wait in the doorway.My mum takes great delight in telling me I was not doing what I was told.

My hair used to cover it but I am 'thinning' a bit now and look forward to my Autumn years bald as a babboons arse. Ho hum.

I have another head wound on my eyebrow from being hit by a golf club. That's another story for another day.

Here's one I made earlier..

The video below is my beautiful daughter, Hannah. She is so cute and she makes my heart go all fuzzy. She was about 5 years old here. She is now 8 and one day she will grow up and no stinky boy will ever be good enough for her. D'you hear that stinky boys.
..click picture to watch

I love here soooooo much.

BTW folks, check out my 'choon' feature... Just there on the right sidebar...that's it.
I'll be changing it every now and then as with the 'vidjo' too.
I just thought I'd share some Dipper favs with y'all. ..Stay Hard

I Need to Dance

I am sooo excited. Thanks to Osbasso's discovery of CastPost.com I am able to post music tracks that I created.
That's right I made it with my own Big Dipper hands using Ejay software.

For over a year now I have been sitting on them without an outlet to broadcast them.


You lucky people get to hear it first.


Taken from a totally fictitious debut album - "I Need to Dance", the first single "Baila".









Be brutally honest because I have more and I am not afraid to inflict them on you, if you want.


Baila by Dipper



To download it then Right Click and choose "Save Target As.." HERE

Rock n Roll aint Noise Pollution..

I started to list gigs I have been to and found there weren't as many as I thought. It is a list I'm proud of though.
Here it is, in no particular order except the first three which are the first three I ever went to:

Kiss - 1984 Wembley Arena supported by Bon Jovi. Jovi’s first visit to the UK
Iron Maiden - 1984 Hammersmith Odeon, Wembley Stadium three times
Toyah - 1984 Margate, Winter Gardens
Ozzy Osbourne - Folkestone Leas Cliff Hall
Ynwnge Malmsteem - Folkstone, Long, looooong guitar solos
Stryper - Hammersmith, God rockers, threw bibles out to the crowd
Georgia Sattellites -
FM (4 or 5) -an 80’s British based band
T’Pau (2) - Hammersmith, what can I say I loved Carol Decker
Magnum - Hammersmith
Judas Priest - Hammersmith
Aerosmith - Wembley Arena
David Lee Roth - Wembley Arena
Status Quo - Brighton and Wembley Arena
AC DC - Wembley Arena, by far the loudest ever gig
Bryan Adams - Cardiff Arena
Tyketto - 2005,Camden Underworld
Bonfire - 2004, Camden Underworld
Mike Tramp (2) - Camden Underworld
Goo Goo Dolls - London Astoria
Toploader - Folkstone Leas Cliff Hall
Def Leppard - Hammersmith
Thunder - London Astoria
Whitesnake - Hammersmith
Tesla - Hammersmith
Heart - Wembley Arena
Bon Jovi - Hammersmith- Nordoff Robins Benefit, Milton Keynes twice, Cardiff Millenium Stadium, Wembley Stadium twice, Wembly Arena twice, Shepherds Bush Empire, Hyde Park.

Very Rock orientated, I used to have shoulder length hair. I'll post a picture some time.

Idio-whataty-what?

For Heather who tagged me for "Name 5 personal idiosyncrasies"

I had a hard time thinking of any. The best I came up with were:

1. Read the last word in a book before starting it....It gives me something to aim for.

2. I hate being late for anything. I will always arrive extra early just to make sure I am there.

3. I don't 'do' horror films. It enables me to go into darkened cellars without thinking the worst.

4. I sneeze and cannot control myself from saying 'Jeeezus' straight afterwards. A form of Torretts sneezing.

5. I have a lucky cent I found on the floor when I proposed to my Sooz. I hold onto it when her plane is landing to keep her safe. I also try to get on top of the car park at Gatwick to watch the plane land.

Not sure if they all count as idiosyncrasies but it's all I could come up with.

It's the football(soccer) season again tomorrow. YAY! It's the last time I am going to give the s-word as a definition to football. It's a game played with feet and a ball, hence football, get over it America. :) Nobody..yes that is NObody, calls it soccer over here. There is a Sky TV progamme called 'Soccer AM' but that is just the title. They never, ever call it soccer.

Soccer, the word, derives from 'Association Football' as opposed to 'Rugby Football'. They both got the abbreviation 'soccer' and 'rugger', respectively.
Since Rugby Football became just Rugby then Football took the name for itself. After all, it had the name first. Rugby was started when some public school oik picked up the football and ran with it. He invented a whole game from cheating.

I will continue to call it Football, without the (soccer) definiton, in this blog. If I am referring to 'egg throwing' then I will call it American Football.

Anyway..football is back tomorrow but my beloved West Ham Utd will not be playing until next weekend because....... We are in the Premier League again!!! BIG YAY!! Premier League starts next week.
America, you don't get promotion and relegation in your leagues. Imagine though if the 49'ers or Cowboys were de-moted to a college division and had to fight to get back into the NFL. That is the joy I have. West Ham are back in the big time.

The only problem is that we will struggle this season and could be heading straight back to the wilderness we came from... But for now we are all equal and we are not even bottom in alphabetical order. Lowly Wigan came up with us, lets hope they continue to stay below us where they belong.

HNT # 4

Half Nekkid Thursday # 4

Hello Nekkid people.
This is a landscape veiw of my hairy belly..... I apologise.


Have good and get give.

They're watching me...

How To Shower Like A Woman:
-Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
-Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
-If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
-Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups, leg-lifts, etc.
-Get in the shower.
-Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
-Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
-Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
-Condition your hair with grapefruit mint enhanced conditioner.
-Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
-Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
-Rinse conditioner off hair.
-Shave armpits and legs.
-Turn off shower.
-Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
-Spray mold spots with Tilex.
-Get out of shower
-Dry with towel the size of a small country.
-Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
-Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
-If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like A Man:
-Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
-Walk naked to the bathroom.
-If you see wife along the way, shake penis at her making the 'woo-hoo' sound.
-Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
-Admire the size of your penis and scratch your ass.
-Get in the shower
-Wash your face.
-Wash your armpits
-Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
-Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
-Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
-Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
-Wash your hair.
-Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
-Pee.
-Rinse off and get out of shower.
-Partially dry off.
-Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
-Admire penis size in mirror again.
-Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on, return to bedroom with towel around waist.
-If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake penis at her and make the "woo-hoo" sound again.
-Throw wet towel on bed.

Someone has a spy camera in my house.... bastards!

We'll meet again...

My father died when I was 4 years old, consequently I never knew him because my 4 year old memory is a bit foggy. This has caused me anguish in my adult life, especially since I have become a father myself.

A wonderful thing happened at the weekend. I saw my mum and she showed me a newsletter she had recieved from her bank. There was an article about banking during the war*yawn*. In this article there was a picture of servicemen in a Durban bank.
There standing in the middle, looking straight at the camera was my dad.

My sister did some research and found the picture was in a book called 'A bank in battle dress'. Published in 1948, there was my dad sitting on the page without our family ever knowing.

If it wasn't for a bank newsletter posted 57 years later to my mum then the picture would have sat archived in a little read book forever unknown by myself.

I love old photographs anyway. A snapshot of time, frozen and preserved. Immediately after the shutter clicked my father would have carried on his life never knowing that his son would be seeing that glance to the camera in a South African bank nearly 60 years later.

He was 47 when he died, 24 when the picture was taken. I hope his life, from then until his early death, was full of great experiances.. including my birth of course.


I wonder how many photographs of me, you or other relatives there are in crowd scenes published in books somewhere.
In old 19th centuary photos there could be one of your ancestors staring at the camera and you may never know they are related to you.

D'ya get me?

As in the U.S. , Britain has dialects from different regions. The accent around these parts is a 'bastardised' version of cockney.
It's not quite a London accent but we nearly sound like 'My Fair Lady'.

When I speak to my Texan friends I have to speak very slowly and with a posher voice. They still don't seem to understand but politely nod in the right places.

It's no wonder they struggle because an article I saw the other day summed up the problem of our 'orrible voices.
In Kent's Bluewater Shopping Centre(mall), not 30 miles from here, a researcher took a piece of lingerie to the cash desk and said to the worker the exact words "Alma Chisett". The assistant replied without hesitation "furty free pand".

OK, translation : "Alma Chisett" is, to our ears - 'how much is it?'....... "furty free pand" is 'thirty three pounds'.

Aunt ya glad I type in me blog sa ya cun undastaand me?